It aint that easy!!!!

     So, I said there was a reason that I didn't make resolutions.  It is way to hard to keep up with them.  Turns out the same thing is true about goals.  This has been a lot harder then I thought it would ever be.  The hardest thing that I have come across so far is that, it's really actually hard to not let others have any effects on my day to day mood and feelings.  Seems like people really don't care when they let other people down.  I know that I am by no means a perfect wife, mother, friend, or family member.  I can tell you that when I say I am going to do something, I do everything that I can to keep up with that.  Ya, it gets hard sometimes, and sometimes it would be easier to let other people down and be a  little more selfish at times.  My biggest question is why the hell do others feel the need to be so selfish. 
    It really hard to tell who in this world and who in your life is real, and who is not.  I have to keep trying as this is a goal of mine.  It will make everything in my life a whole lot easier.  I just need to know the secret on how you start living for yourself and not for other people. This is going to be a tough road. 
    I am happy to say that, I happen to find a short term fix to the issue.  Keep busy.  The more busy that you are the less you have time to sit and think about all the things that may be wrong in your life.  I happen to get a nice new novel for Christmas, and took some time to finally read that.  If you know me, you know the whole thing only took me about 2 days to get through even with the day to day things a mom and wife has to do.  It did however keep me pretty distracted from all the other things that flow through my mind all the time. 
    I read the book "homefront"  It actually took me a couple chapters to get into, but once I was into it, there was no going back.  All it took was for me to realize, how much I could relate to the story.  Here is my idea of a description of the story.
   A women who has a really shitty childhood, and needs to find her place in the world.  When she is old enough she joins the army as a blackhawk pilot.  Then she meets a man that she falls in love with and starts a family.  She stops going active duty and goes into the reserves so that her husband can keep with the law firm and she can have time with her family.  Her best friend that she meets in flight school, moves in next door and they are all happy as clams.  Until the nation calls on them to go to war in Afghanistan.  Her marriage has been rocky for a little while, but her husband finally tells her the day before she gets the call, that he doesn't love her anymore. 
    She ends up going with her best friend to war, and somewhere along the way, she was doing her job, and her blackhawk was hit, and went down.  She looses a  leg, her friend dies, and she refuses to take help from anyone.  She goes from mrs optimist to mrs not give a shit real fast. 
    However in the end, she ends up giving it her all, and eventually overcomes a lot of things, and even makes her marriage a much better one in the end.  The whole story is full of a  lot of lesson, and the reality that life can change in the blink of an eye.  To watch what you say to people, and hold those that you love dear to you.  Even when you are having a hard time in life, remember that others too are struggling.  IF you keep all those things bottled inside, you start to loose sight of the reality of things.  I do that often.  This is a real reality for those of use Military spouses.  Each day is a new day, and it should be treated as such. 
     It also got me thinking about some news that I happen to hear on the internet just a couple days ago.  5 Soldiers from our last duty station (Fort Riley) were killed in a crash.  Another one was killed while fishing in a lake that we used to go play at and have BBQ at all the time.  Another was killed one day on post, at work in the Motor pool because he was hit by a vehicle.  Not all that long ago, there was a soldier down the street from us, that committed suicide.  It makes you see that not only do bad things happen to those in combat.  It can happen, anytime and any place.  It shouldn't take events like this for everyone to see how precious life can be, and how fast it can change in the blink of an eye.  
     Soldiers deal with a lot of things while they are deployed.  They hear things and see things that no one should ever have to hear.  Some of these soldiers are no more then 18 years old.  Have not even lived a life yet, and they are having to see the real of the war.  And not a single one of them come back the same. EVER.  Some worse then others.  As much as they struggle, and though their struggles may be more severe as well as the effects they have to deal with for the rest of their lives, each and every person deals with their own war. 
    Treat everyone like their hearts are made of glass.   Be honest, and be true, but watch what you say and how it effects the people around you.  Remember that the things that you say to someone, may be the last time that you are able to say anything to them at all.  Make it matter.  You are not so perfect that you can not give someone the time of day that they ask for or appear to need.  You are never ever to busy to help someone out. 
   Why some people wanna eventually be remembered by their selfishness and unwillingness to help others and show people the respect that they deserve is beyond me. 
    For the rest of the day, I am going to try and over come this "don't depend on others to change your mood"  and ill let yall know if I happen to find the secret.  Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen this woman is on a mission! (If you happen to turn blue in the process, stop holding your breath...you WILL pass out)
DISCLAIMER**** I am not responsible for any idiot that happens to listen to me and ends up passing out.!

This is not all that easy

     So, I said there was a reason that I didn't make resolutions.  It is way to hard to keep up with them.  Turns out the same thing is true about goals.  This has been a lot harder then I thought it would ever be.  The hardest thing that I have come across so far is that, it's really actually hard to not let others have any effects on my day to day mood and feelings.  Seems like people really don't care when they let other people down.  I know that I am by no means a perfect wife, mother, friend, or family member.  I can tell you that when I say I am going to do something, I do everything that I can to keep up with that.  Ya, it gets hard sometimes, and sometimes it would be easier to let other people down and be a  little more selfish at times.  My biggest question is why the hell do others feel the need to be so selfish. 
    It really hard to tell who in this world and who in your life is real, and who is not.  I have to keep trying as this is a goal of mine.  It will make everything in my life a whole lot easier.  I just need to know the secret on how you start living for yourself and not for other people. This is going to be a tough road. 
    I am happy to say that, I happen to find a short term fix to the issue.  Keep busy.  The more busy that you are the less you have time to sit and think about all the things that may be wrong in your life.  I happen to get a nice new novel for Christmas, and took some time to finally read that.  If you know me, you know the whole thing only took me about 2 days to get through even with the day to day things a mom and wife has to do.  It did however keep me pretty distracted from all the other things that flow through my mind all the time. 
    I read the book "homefront"  It actually took me a couple chapters to get into, but once I was into it, there was no going back.  All it took was for me to realize, how much I could relate to the story.  Here is my idea of a description of the story.
   A women who has a really shitty childhood, and needs to find her place in the world.  When she is old enough she joins the army as a blackhawk pilot.  Then she meets a man that she falls in love with and starts a family.  She stops going active duty and goes into the reserves so that her husband can keep with the law firm and she can have time with her family.  Her best friend that she meets in flight school, moves in next door and they are all happy as clams.  Until the nation calls on them to go to war in Afghanistan.  Her marriage has been rocky for a little while, but her husband finally tells her the day before she gets the call, that he doesn't love her anymore. 
    She ends up going with her best friend to war, and somewhere along the way, she was doing her job, and her blackhawk was hit, and went down.  She looses a  leg, her friend dies, and she refuses to take help from anyone.  She goes from mrs optimist to mrs not give a shit real fast. 
    However in the end, she ends up giving it her all, and eventually overcomes a lot of things, and even makes her marriage a much better one in the end.  The whole story is full of a  lot of lesson, and the reality that life can change in the blink of an eye.  To watch what you say to people, and hold those that you love dear to you.  Even when you are having a hard time in life, remember that others too are struggling.  IF you keep all those things bottled inside, you start to loose sight of the reality of things.  I do that often.  This is a real reality for those of use Military spouses.  Each day is a new day, and it should be treated as such. 
     It also got me thinking about some news that I happen to hear on the internet just a couple days ago.  5 Soldiers from our last duty station (Fort Riley) were killed in a crash.  Another one was killed while fishing in a lake that we used to go play at and have BBQ at all the time.  Another was killed one day on post, at work in the Motor pool because he was hit by a vehicle.  Not all that long ago, there was a soldier down the street from us, that committed suicide.  It makes you see that not only do bad things happen to those in combat.  It can happen, anytime and any place.  It shouldn't take events like this for everyone to see how precious life can be, and how fast it can change in the blink of an eye.  
     Soldiers deal with a lot of things while they are deployed.  They hear things and see things that no one should ever have to hear.  Some of these soldiers are no more then 18 years old.  Have not even lived a life yet, and they are having to see the real of the war.  And not a single one of them come back the same. EVER.  Some worse then others.  As much as they struggle, and though their struggles may be more severe as well as the effects they have to deal with for the rest of their lives, each and every person deals with their own war. 
    Treat everyone like their hearts are made of glass.   Be honest, and be true, but watch what you say and how it effects the people around you.  Remember that the things that you say to someone, may be the last time that you are able to say anything to them at all.  Make it matter.  You are not so perfect that you can not give someone the time of day that they ask for or appear to need.  You are never ever to busy to help someone out. 
   Why some people wanna eventually be remembered by their selfishness and unwillingness to help others and show people the respect that they deserve is beyond me. 
    For the rest of the day, I am going to try and over come this "don't depend on others to change your mood"  and ill let yall know if I happen to find the secret.  Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen this woman is on a mission! (If you happen to turn blue in the process, stop holding your breath...you WILL pass out)
DISCLAIMER**** I am not responsible for any idiot that happens to listen to me and ends up passing out.!

Holidays are OVER!!!!

   Can you sense the excitement?  Don't get me wrong, I like the holiday season.  The things I like the most are the lights.  Decorating to the music, letting the kids make holiday decorations, and the food.Of course the food. Christmas ham...... OMG I wait all year for that tasty goodness in my mouth.  I would be lying if I said, it really felt like Christmas this year.  In Kansas, being able to travel home, we had Christmas, and it felt like such.  This year we could literally suntan on Christmas day.  They boys loved it regardless, and that's all that matters.  I can't help but feel a little like they are missing out not being able to be with their whole family and learning all those traditions that my husband and I have learned along the way.  We started a lot of our own that they will grow up with, but I still feel like they are missing out on all the closeness that the holidays brought me as a child.
   As for a new year, well it is what it is.  We had a party here and brought in the new year with lots of confetti, noise makers, photo booth material, music and friends.  It was a good new years.  For the last week, my kids have been asking me if we can have that celebration again.  NO.   For the love of god I am only allowing confetti blowers in my living room once a year.  I am still cleaning it up!!!  Which is fine as long as we all had fun! 
     As for a resolution, well I am not much for that either.   Not that I think I am perfect and have nothing that I need to work on.  I know that I am pretty close to perfect, but..... who am I kidding!  I have a lot of things that I know I can improve for the new year, to make for a better life for me and my family.  Truth is, resolutions never frickin work.  How many people make those dang things and by the end of the week, there like, screw it, I made it through the last years not doing this, why start now, ill start next year.  Because the truth in it all, is that we live in a place, where being lazy is an option. In fact if you are really good at it, the government will help you people who wanna be lazy.  I have been guilty of it too.  You wanna know how many days I have accomplished nothing in the day and been just fine with it?  I don't wanna know either, because it's probably a lot and I don't want to be all feeling guilty later when I know the answer.  I don't need to loose weight, because well, I am 26 and 5 foot 2 weighing in at a whole 120 pounds.  It probably wouldn't kill me to gain some muscle, but who am I kidding, I am far to lazy to commit to that.  Hey, at least I can admit it.  I don't need to eat less sweets, because I really don't like them much anyways.  What I could use is some goals.
     Ya thats right, a goal.  I mean let's face it, I ain't getting any younger.  Though at one time I thought that might happen, I keep waking up a day older then the day before.  SO I am ready to face the fact that that is not going to happen anytime soon.  So I started with a few goals:
   1. Be a better parent to my kids.  Taking a step back when I am angry and realizing that these are my kids, and the future generation of this world.  They are young and learning.  They don't know what I know.  They don't know that calling out a person who is different in the middle of the store is wrong.  They have to be taught.  The only thing they learn when I get angry about it, is how to get mad.  There taking nothing away from it.  Spilling something on the floor because you were not paying attention, is not means to get in trouble.  People make mistakes, and they are going to make a lot of them along the way.  The thing they need to learn is that it's ok, and it is not a big deal.  It can be cleaned up, next time just try and pay attention.  They need to know what they are worth something.  In todays world people are so worried about people liking them, being in style, having the money to be normal, little girls starving themselves to be like the chicks in the magazine.  What these kids need to learn is to be who they are.  As long as you have a good heart, nothing else matters.  If your intentions are in the right place, your golden.  Never judge a book by it;s cover, it may end up surprising you.  Be true to you and never let someone make you feel less then you are worth.  I know that sounds cliche, but it is the truth.
2. Practice what you preach.  Ya so all those things I just said I was going to teach my kids, I need to learn to practice.  That's the only way that they are going to learn them really. 
3.  Don't let others control your feelings and emotions.  OMG is that a tough one or what???  I can not tell you how many nights I spent wide awake, yet tired as can be, because of someones action or words.  Doesn't matter if it was 10 years ago or 10 Minutes ago.  Ill think about it.  I don't want to, it just happens.  I have come to the conclusion that that may be happening because of unresolved issues within myself.   Things I just let go and never delt with.  Things I should have said or did.  It's really easy for me to sit here and write about anything that I want to, but when it comes to telling someone how I really to their face, then I have a tough time.  I usually walk away with the situation playing in my head and thinking about what I should have done different.  If I write it all down sometimes it helps, and I don't think about it as much, because I feel like I let out the things that I needed to let out.  But then lo and behold a little while down the road it eats at me again. 
4. Keep your heart, only where it is appreciated.  I put a lot into friendships and really any relationship.  Its not exactly a weakness, it's a good thing sometimes, but it allows me to be hurt.  It puts others in a position to again control how I feel and think.  I do a lot of things, not expecting anything in return.  Though I still don't expect anything in return, I can only keep up with those relationships that appreciate having me.  The realize that I am not perfect, and I too make mistakes, but I am who I am and if you can't appreciate that then step the hell away.  I also need to learn to tell those assholes to go the hell away from me and stop dragging me down. 
Bottom line, is this year is about finding strength when I need it the most, and the courage to say exactly what I mean without holding back and being scared of a fight.  Those who care enough will stick by and those who don't I shouldn't have an issue letting go of.  Easier said then done.  At least I know it's going to be tough though right?  Maybe that will help. 
Anyways, I hope you all had a great new years, and weather you make resolutions, goals, or genuinely don't care what happens this year... CHEERS to you and hoping that you get what you need within the year!

Pre-Thanksgiving

    So tomorrow is Thanksgiving.... well actually it is right now, so happy Thanksgiving folks.  I am up at 12:24....WHY?   Well my pumpkin pie is still in the oven, and will be there for near an hour.  I still have Pumpkin cheesecake bread to make, and I am not sure how to do both of them or how this is going to work without being totally exhausted by tomorrow morning.   I just looked at the instructions, and since it takes the blender that will have to wait till the morning as I dont want to wake anyone up LOL.
    So, I feel a little lost this year with the Holidays.  For starter, family life is a far cry from what it has been.  But, aside from that, I am not hosting it this year.  I know that sounds crazy to some people. I mean I know people that would give anything to not have to clean that mess up and have to do all the cleaning and cooking.  To be honest that's not that part that I miss.  It does give me a reason to clean my house.  By clean I don't mean like turn the dryer on for the 3rd time because I am too lazy to put the damn things away. I mean really clean.  It keeps me busy planning and cleaning a good 3-4 days prior to a Holiday at this house.
    The best part is the day of.  When people are around you in your house, enjoying the food, football, and conversation.  For some reason, I think that it makes me feel accomplished when I can look around when all is said and done, and the craziness of it all starts to calm, and you see people that you care about enjoying themselves.  You know since we have been in the military, we have not spent a Thanksgiving home. However, we have always welcomed single soldiers into our home. Some friends' husbands have invited soldiers into my home when dave was deployed.  I really can not stand the thought of these men and women having to be way from away, and not having anyone to spend this holiday with.
    It is a time to be thankful for the things that you have in your life.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day to day that it seems like it is impossible to see the good in the things around you.  Sometimes you just feel like your day sucked so bad, and you wonder what the hell there is good happening.  I know there is a lot of days that I have had like that here lately.  You feel like whatever was good in your life, is crumbling, and the only thing that you can do is sit there and watch it all happen.  Like it is all out of your control.  The reality of it is that I still have a roof over my head.  I still have clothes on my back.  There is still an income coming in even though it feels sometimes like it is too tight and we have nothing.  I have friends and family.  Sometimes it feels like they are not available when I could use them the most, and most are an ocean away, they are still there.  I have my boys.  I love those little men unconditionally.  They are always there for me.  Colton tells me at least once a day "Mommy, you are soooo cute." and it makes me smile every time.  Dallas gets so excited about the things that he did in school, he sometimes gets a little crazy about it, but I love to hear his stories.
     I know those little day to day things are easy to forget about when you are havin a bad day.  Because you are so used to them, you forget that they are there.  We spend a lot of time focusing on the bad.  I know to say to keep those little things in the back of your mind is much easier said then done.  I know this from personal experience.  Because I am sitting here saying it, but I am not sure most of the time how to follow my own advice.  I seem to really have an issue with that lately.  Well not lately, all the time really.  Being about to see other peoples situation for what it is and able to give them advice at the drop of the hat.  99.9% they don't follow my advice either, so I am not sure why they even bother to ask.  In any case, I do the same thing.   It's just easier to hear someone tell you how it is and get a better perspective on things I suppose. 
    In any case, I will stop chatting.  It is now two in the morning,  I have to be up by at least 6 am.  BECAUSE THE PACKERS PLAY AT 730!!!!!!   I am happy for that.  If I get that far lol.  The only thing that I really have to do tomorrow is to make sweet potatoes and real potatoes and those come closer to dinner anyways. 
    I want everyone to have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING.  from my family to yours.  Try to make sure that you think about what you are thankful for.... not just today, but each and every day. 

What Feelings......

   I am well aware that it has been forever since I posted last, and I think I say the same thing everytime I go to post. There is large gaps in my blog LOL.  IM SORRY.
    Things have been crazy around here.  I won't get into any details, but I can say they happen to be personal matters, and I will keep them that way. People have been bugging me to come back though, so here I am!!!
 
     I have some things to let out I guess, and though I have a personal journal, this seems like something that other people may be able to relate to as well.  So here it goes, that dreaded word...FEELINGS.  You know those things that women wished men had and wished we didn't have to have so many of..  I mean men have feelings.  Certain ones.  Like they may get upset when you tell them to make their own sandwich, and upset is a feeling. 
    I used to have a lot of them, and knew when to use each one.  There were times where I had feelings and knew when to hold them back... grin and bare it.  There was a time that I knew who I was.  You know I knew my morals, I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I stood for.  I knew how to seek out those in my life that would hurt me. I knew who to keep close to me, and I knew who wouldn't walk away when things got hard.  I knew the people that would answer the phone no matter what time of day it was.  I knew who I could ask for help with certain things.  I knew who would give me a straight answer and who would tell me when I was wrong about something.  Something has happened since then.
      Today, I don't know all these things, and I don't feel as sure about them as I did before.  I mean I know who proves their loyalty to me when needed, and who is there, for the most part, in tough situations.  For some reason though, I feel as if I am being tested since being here.  I am not sure why.  Maybe its because I am a world away from family and close friends in Minnesota and Kansas.  Maybe it's the thought that I can't just go home when I want to.  Maybe it's that some of the best people that I had in my life to count on are now all spread throughout the US.
     I can not explain to you why it is that I feel the way that I do nor can I really put into words what it is that I feel, but I will try.  There have been a lot of situations lately that have presented themselves.  When they came about in the past, I knew what to do, what to say, and how to react.  Kinda like knowing when to walk away I guess.  Knowing what situations I could handle, and words that I would not let effect me or my mood.  Lately I am at a loss.  I have feelings that come out...or that I feel, but what the feeling that I give off is usually anger.  I don't always do it.  I guess I can't call it anger, but frustration maybe more. 
   Don't assume that I walk around all day pissed off at the world and everyone in it. That's not the case.  It just seems like I am being tested all the time and it's one thing after another.  Just when I think I have my ducks in a row, something else happens.  All I can do sometimes is throw my hands up in the air and say "WHAT THE HELL"  I have directed my anger at people who do not always deserve to hear it.  It's not ment to come off that way.  I think that I am just saying how I feel and then the next minute someone is mad at me because it came off more like an attack. 
    I am working on this whole talking to others about how I feel thing.  More times then not, I can't find the words that I want to say or the way that I want to say it, and it comes off all wrong.  I get so frustrated with myself because I know thats not what I ment, and this is not the outcome that I was expecting.  I get mad at myself that I made someone else mad, or hurt, or frustrated.  I do not do it intentionally. 
    I think I am just on this roller coaster and personally I think it's because I take care of the way others are feeling before my own.  I let things that bother me just bother me and eventually you think that you don't feel that way about something anymore.  I know how to deal with other peoples feelings and emotions.  I am not sure how to SHOW and TALK about my own.  Which sucks, because all this time I thought I was doing everyone a favor.  I guess I was.  Everyone but myself.  This is something that I have to do, but first I need to figure out the way to do it.  No one can give me the answer, I have to find that on my own.  Through trial and error I guess.   I guess for now I am just waiting for the good, trying to get rid of the bad, and dealing with myself one day at a time to be a better person. 
The good times and the bad times will both pass.  It will pass.  It will get easier.  But the fact that it will get easier doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt now.  When people try to minimize their own pain, they are doing themselves a dis-service.  Don't do that.  The truth is that it hurts because its real.  It hurts because it mattered.  And that is an important thing to acknowledge to yourself.  But that does not mean that it will not end.  That it won't get better.  Because it will..... with time. 

One more reason why I love this army community.

   As much as we fellow army spouses complain sometimes about the way we get put on the back burner is no secret.  All of us as a spouse to a soldier have been a bit angered at one time or another about the way the army "forgets about us"   Deep in the back of our minds, we know this is the way that this lifestyle goes.  Some choose to whine and complain about it, while the rest of us get used to it and move on.  I was told early on this whole crazy adventure that "if the army wanted you to have spouse, they would have issued you one."  This proves to be true time and time again.  While many choose to take it out on their spouses because they can not be there when you want them there, or they have to miss things, or the nice dinner you made is cold by the time they got home... you get the point....   It is not usually your soldiers fault!  You can not be mad at him for something that he can not control right?!?!?   These are all reasons why, we look to the people to the left and right of us, all the time and lean on each other for assistance. 
      This is also why I love this life most of the time. When we were in Kansas in our first little apartment that was tiny tiny and in other words sucked butt, we experienced a little of the kindness that goes around.  There was soldier and his family that lived below us, and in the snow and cold he would always shovel out my spot, and try to save me the spot right in front.  He knew I had 2 small kids, and he also probably knew what a pain in the butt it is to have to haul them through the snow and ice and than up the stairs.  One day I had my youngest (who was a few months at the time) sleeping and my 2 year old napping.  I was a mother and so as many would, I took the time to take a little cat nap.  There was soon a large loud knock at my door.  I was a bit nervous as we were not in the best neighborhood, my husband was not home and it woke me up.  I rushed to the door to find my neighbor there.  He wanted to know if I wanted all the stuff that was left in his fridge.  Condiments and things of that nature.  You can not ship them when you move, so you are SOL unless you can find someone to give them to or just throw them out and waste them.  I accepted.  This was all new to me and I found it a little weird, but I did not want to be rude.  I don't know why out of all the people in the apartment he choose me to give them all too.  Maybe it was because he knew we were new to the military and therefore didn't make a whole lot.  Maybe it was because I had little ones and he felt a little bad for me.  Maybe I am the only one that said hi to him when his jolly little self was out and about.  Who knows.  It was a random act of kindness and not the first time I would see it in the military.
     As I have since seen many friends come and move on, we have all left something or another at someones house.  We all have a little piece of each other somewhere no matter where we are in the world.  I had a friend that left kansas and left all her things she could not take with her, with me.  Candles, lotions, perfume, oils, cleaning supplies..... anything that is liquid can not be shipped.   When I left Kansas I left a lot of my things with a close friend of mine.  Its like "the military lifecycle"
   I had this happen again to me today, but in a much greater sense.  This soldier knocked on my door and said "This may sound like a strange request, but we are moving, and I have a lot of chemicals.  Like you know cleaning stuff.  I was wondering if you would want to take them.  There is kind of a lot, but I thought it was better than throwing them out."  He seemed really nervous about asking me, but for me this was not the first time I had been asked such question.  I said I would and he brought them over, all 3 boxes of cleaning supplies and garage items.  It was a lot more than I expected!  None the less, when you are moving you hate to have to throw them out and see all that money down the drain and they are most likely the last things left in your house, and you just want them gone.  He than said " I don't know if you will allow this, but I have a mattress I have to put in the garbage, can i put it in your garbage."  This seems strange to people that have not lived on post i suppose, but the rule is.... you have 1 day a week that is trash day.  Part of clearing your house, is that there is nothing in your garbage cans and they have been rinsed out.  So say you have garbage day on friday and you clear housing on wends. because your flight leaves early Friday you are SOL..... so of course I said yes.  I asked if there was anything else.  He asked if I needed a grill, but we already have nice one, and than he asked if maybe we need a lawn mower?  WHY YES WE DO.  You see it's not like we are to cheap to buy one, but we are only responsible for cutting the back yard and I could not see buying a weed eater and a lawn mower, so we got the weed eater and have cut the grass with that.  So than he said "Ok, well how about 20..$ WAIT WAIT WAIT how about you just take it since you took everything else off our hands today and have been so nice to let me use your garbage. It has a gas can also and it already has gas in it."  SOLD!!!
   I mowed the lawn and weed wacked and edged the whole little lawn today with a smile on my face.  He very much could have charged me for the mower and I would have probably bought it.  He didn't because, he needed it gone and I needed one.  Kinda the way most things work. You can be in need of anything in the military and someone has one they will sell you cheap or they will loan you or give away because they have no use for it.  I like to be part of something where people can be so giving and we can all help each other out.  Again this man could have choose anyone on the block and asked me instead.  If we can not take it with us when we go, you can best believe I will be returning the favor to someone else as well.
     Don't get me wrong there are some people who are just trying to make a profit, but I love running into those people that just want to help someone else when they could use something.  It is a nice feeling when people around you are that way.  I don't think I would have the same things happen if I was just living in a normal life.  Fact is we are all here for the same reasons.  No one is better than another, we all live in the same place, and some day we will all leave here and move on.  We all live by the same rules and those in the same ranks live by the same paychecks.  We all shop at the same places, and participate in the same things.  We have all felt alone in this life, we have all been alone at one time or another.  We have all played mom and dad, we have all suffered, and endured.  We are the military families of America and we are all human! 


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Blast from the past

I thought that since I started this blog somewhat in the middle of our military life, I would take some time every so often to get you all up to speed on what brought us to where we are, and the challenged and advantaged to this life. 

Do you ever wonder what life is like behind the scenes of the military families?  Do you ever look at a military family and think “man they have it made, and they make soooo much money!”  Do you envy a military spouse because she doesn’t have to work? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I have news for you.  

                I entered into this lifestyle by accident.  I was not looking for a man in uniform, though I must say those uniforms sure make a man look good!  I was married to my husband before he was a soldier.  We were young, and broke. We were having a rough time getting along most of the time. We already had one child and another on the way.  We had bills and had been out of our parents houses for years prior.  Most days, it really felt like it was just not going to work out between us.  We went our own ways for a bit.  To make a long story short, he joined without me knowing to support the kids.  Later on, we worked on things and while he was in basic training in Oklahoma, we were able to work it out and get back together. 

                To make things clear here, there was very limited conversation phone wise while he was there.  He had his phone sometimes on the weekends, and sometimes not.  We had to communicate the most through snail mail.  This included telling him that his next child would also be a boy.  I finally was able to make the trip with his family to Oklahoma to watch him graduate Basic training. We had him for a whole entire weekend. Than we left and he had to stay for AIT.  I remember it really sucking that we had to leave after we finally got to see each other again.  It was a really long drive when you are really pregnant and have a small child along as well.  Needless to say, no one died and we all made it through. 

                Close to the time it was for me to have our second child, was close to the time he was to be done with AIT.  So knowing that he was about to be assigned to a new state and place to live, I moved out of the house we had and in with his parents.  Now, I was happy to have a place to live, and people to help me with things, it was really different living with someone when you haven’t in so very long.  I was there for a month or two before my husband called and told me he knew where he was going to be stationed.  In my mind I thought “North Carolina, Texas, Washington, Colorado, or maybe California.”  I didn’t know where I WANTED to go, but since we had no say in the matter, I did not see the point in trying to find somewhere that I wanted to be.  He called me and told me. I was so confused, and so shocked! Of all the places that the army can send someone, I forgot this state was even a state.  Can you guess where the beautiful glorious army sent us too????  Yup, they were shipping all the little Johnson butts to Fort Riley KANSAS!!!   Don’t forget Todo. 

                He came home a day before he was originally going to, and almost scared the baby right out of me. He was sitting on my bed when I came back to his parent’s house one day.   He had two weeks of leave, and that ment that in order for me to go to the land of Oz with him, I needed to get this baby out in the next 2 weeks.  This part of my life actually worked out well, because 2 days into that leave time, I was ready to deliver.   We were able to pack up the uhaul and both cars, spend time with family, say good bye, and take care of all the little things…like resting…NOT.  Resting doesn’t exists anymore!

                So we make our journey in Aug of 2009, my birthday to be exact.  As I later found out, most all my birthdays, would be me driving.  We started the 12 hour trip, that was planned to take 12 maybe 14 hours.   My husband had the jeep with the Uahul and I had the car, with the kids.  LUCKY ME!  We made it to the half way point, and WHAM, just like that the jeep was smoking and smelling a little funky down the highway.  So, we pull over.  There is no way we are leaving this thing on the side of the road with our life inside of it.  So my husband stays with it while it try and find a phone book.  (we barely had normal phones little lone smart phones than)  We find this little sketchy town and we figure out a tow truck and a hotel for the night.  The tow truck shows up and takes the jeep to the shop.  The kids and I get some dinner and head to the hotel.  Time passes and we get a call.  We just overheated the tranny because, SOMEONE was driving it on overdrive!   SERIOUSLY.   Either way we had to stay the night now.  The next day was a race against time to meet with the people that were going to rent us an apartment before they closed for the weekend.  If you know my husband, you know that time is the last thing that he is worried about when he is driving.  Of course, I didn’t know where I was going so I HAD to follow and it was killing me to go that slow on the freeway knowing we were on a time limit.   Most people would have just opted for a hotel for the weekend.  1. We didn’t have more than 100.00 to our name, and 2. Have you ever tried to get a hotel right by a military post on a weekend?   Families have to live in those for months sometimes. (Which I would also later find out)   Somehow we made it.

                Now we were so tired we all went inside and slept on the floor for a few hours.  I had not seen this place that I was about to live in, only my husband had.  He made sure it was ready for us when we got here.  It was very thoughtful of him. Once I woke up, and was able to look around, there was nothing to look at.  It was a 2 bedroom, and there was four of us!  It was 1 floor with 1 bathroom, 1 level, no place for a washer and dryer, and no storage.  We had no choice, this was it!   This was home!  We now had to do with what we had.  It was alright at first, but as the year ended, I could not stand that little place. 

                We had brought a Uhaul with a few essentials with, but we still had to wait for the military to ship the rest of our things, which at the time, was not a whole lot!  When that stuff finally came, we were so happy, and I was so frustrated because there was nowhere to put any of this stuff!  For the year that we were there, there were boxes behind our bedroom door, stacked to the ceiling, because there was no place to put it.  I could not believe that this is what I agreed to come to Kansas for. 

                I did make my first friend though!  Man was I happy.  Her husband and mine went to basic and AIT together, and they even let my husband stay with them in the hotel before he was able to come home and get me.  This girl was my new partner in crime.  They were still living in the hotel when I got there.  Once we were settled, we invited them to dinner.  My youngest was 2 weeks and my oldest was 2.  My husband had informed me that this girl LOVED kids and more so babies.  So we hit it off from the start. So started the many adventures of the new military spouse's!!!

Tune in tomorrow for more of the adventures of an army wife!