I seem to put a lot of people before myself... their feelings, needs...etc.... It doesn't bother me, because when I know that I have made someone smile, I smile with satisfaction. That is all that I need, and that's just who I am. Telling people no is my weakness. If I was a superhero that would be the death of me. I don't like doing it, and more times than not, I can't. It ends up hurting me more than anything but I move on quickly because of all the experience. I spend less time on me than anyone..... I try to say that I am going to do something to better me, and it lasts a very short time. That's just who I am and I am alright with that.. After all no one can be me....better than myself :)
It took a few WONDERFUL people to show me that there are things that I need to do for me... starting with my GED.... I have been putting it off forever (like 6 years) All it took was a couple people that returned the favor and cared enough to help and push me to do it. Those are people I will always be in debt to, and people that I will always have close to me :)
In the last couple weeks, in the mist of doing the daily things (laundry, cleaning, kids etc...) I thought about all the things I might be able to do, if I learned self discipline. I first had to learn that it was not always about the other people that believe in me, but that first I had to believe in myself. So for about two weeks that is what I have been doing.
I did it without really thinking about all that I have accomplished.... But then I was sitting here the other night and was a little shocked at myself. So here is the list of things that I did, things I don't do on a daily basis
~Started a routine to remember all my medication ALL THE TIME (it's not really that helpful when you are always forgetting a dose or two!)
~I started tracking my diet and eating better... (still have a little work to do one this one...so for now it's a work in progress)
~Started working out EVERYDAY sometimes 2x a day. This is something that has been constant!
~ I cut HUGELY back on my coffee and soda daily intake. What I used to drink in a day, I now drink in about a week. I never drank water, and now it's bottle after bottle!
~I have accomplished night and day 2 of NO SIPPY CUPS for the kids. (this is actually for me as well. No more waking up in the middle of the night to fill them..I finally sleep through the WHOLE night. First time since I had Colton. Plus they are a pain in the day too.)
~ Started to potty train Colton (NO MORE DIAPERS for me pretty soon!!!)
~I enrolled in College and start at a Business School on the 29th!!!!
~ Took a "me" day with a girlfriend in Topeka....and had a blast and not a care in the world :) A-MAZING!!!!
Maybe none of this seems like much. I just feel like I have done more for me in 2 weeks than I have in like 4 years. It was a good feeling...a little guilty at times, but GOOD to do me for a little while. As I reflected back on all this, I smiled.... and said WOW, i am proud of it all!!! I have to say with all honesty that I have never actually said that to myself or felt the way that I did at that moment.
In the end, do you for a change. Making other people happy is a fantastic thing, but when you can look back and be proud of you, it's bittersweet! In a few years, I probably won't remember it, but it is really a HUGE boost of confidence. The fact that I am not scared anymore of what an outcome might be or where a road might lead. I know that no matter what I can smile and overcome... Even if it takes a little boost from other people. I really do hope that those that have helped so much know how awesome it was to have them there for me, and how much it impacted so much more!!!!
I DARE you to do something that you have been scared to do... it might change more than you think !
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Better Than I Used to Be....
I know that not everyone listens to country, but I do.... all the time. There is this newer song, called "better than I used to be." I listen to it often, and I LOVE it. Every last word of it is soooo true. (Except where he says "I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see." Because I have never seen a MAN when I look in the mirror hehe) Here are the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO0keYA21oI
I don't think that this is a song that Only I can relate to. It's a pretty universal song for those people out there that are not, nor have never been perfect. It is a perfect reflection on how people can grow and learn even from the worst pasts. Regardless of if you want to admit it or not, no one has went their whole life and never hurt someone, or made a mistake or 50000.
I am not perfect. I am also perfectly happy with the fact, that I will never be. I have learned that being perfect is the silliest goal in life to have. No matter who you are, if that is your goal in life.... you will never get there. Sorry to crush all your hopes and dreams. There will always be someone with nicer things, more money, a better house, a newer car, a better job, better looks, skinnier figure, blah blah blah. So why bother. If you strive to be perfect, you are no longer yourself, you are someone else. Waist of time.
There is a difference in realizing and accepting that you will never be perfect, and deciding that you are going to be dumb about it and never learn and change as life around you changes. EVERYONE chances. More times than I can count, I have been hurt by people that I trusted the most. That is the way life goes. Most people will not see things the way that I see them. Most people will not be impacted by things that I might be heavily impacted by. I can not depend on other people to pick me up when I fall. That's my job. It is their job to be there when I need to talk and need advice. In the end my life is just that.....MINE. No one can tell me who I should be or HAVE to be.
People are going to hurt people that you care about, you are going to hurt people that you care about, and people that you care about will hurt you. Life is tough..... can't handle it?..... Get a helmet! In the end you can't control anyones thoughts or actions,except your own
On the flip side, it can be really hard to let people who you cared deeply about, go. You learn who is real and fake and in doing so you have to let some of them go. It's hard because you still want them to be, who you thought they were all this time.
Our pasts and those people who we let go mold us. They teach us little life lessons about things, people, and feelings. They sometimes show you how to find the good inside you and sometimes some of them teach you exactly how you DONT ever want to be. In this song, you hear about how your better, but not the best. You will always have a challenge a head of you and sometimes you need help to fight those demands. You hear about no matter how much you screwed up in the past, or someone screwed you, you get a little stronger.
I don't always feel stronger after something or someone leaves my life. Even if they made a positive impact. I don't always feel like i am ready to let them go. And sometimes they don't leave you a choice.
Take the chance to get to know everyone around you. Some may burn you and some may help you. Either way, you learn something from everyone no matter what the lesson may be. Don't judge by the past. Learn about people from who they are now. Help eachother grow and learn. If you stay friends forever you'll be as close as can be. If not, you both have learned something from eachother. Everyday Is a new day and a chance to learn!!!!! Everyone around you had something to teach you, even when they don't know it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO0keYA21oI
I don't think that this is a song that Only I can relate to. It's a pretty universal song for those people out there that are not, nor have never been perfect. It is a perfect reflection on how people can grow and learn even from the worst pasts. Regardless of if you want to admit it or not, no one has went their whole life and never hurt someone, or made a mistake or 50000.
I am not perfect. I am also perfectly happy with the fact, that I will never be. I have learned that being perfect is the silliest goal in life to have. No matter who you are, if that is your goal in life.... you will never get there. Sorry to crush all your hopes and dreams. There will always be someone with nicer things, more money, a better house, a newer car, a better job, better looks, skinnier figure, blah blah blah. So why bother. If you strive to be perfect, you are no longer yourself, you are someone else. Waist of time.
There is a difference in realizing and accepting that you will never be perfect, and deciding that you are going to be dumb about it and never learn and change as life around you changes. EVERYONE chances. More times than I can count, I have been hurt by people that I trusted the most. That is the way life goes. Most people will not see things the way that I see them. Most people will not be impacted by things that I might be heavily impacted by. I can not depend on other people to pick me up when I fall. That's my job. It is their job to be there when I need to talk and need advice. In the end my life is just that.....MINE. No one can tell me who I should be or HAVE to be.
People are going to hurt people that you care about, you are going to hurt people that you care about, and people that you care about will hurt you. Life is tough..... can't handle it?..... Get a helmet! In the end you can't control anyones thoughts or actions,except your own
On the flip side, it can be really hard to let people who you cared deeply about, go. You learn who is real and fake and in doing so you have to let some of them go. It's hard because you still want them to be, who you thought they were all this time.
Our pasts and those people who we let go mold us. They teach us little life lessons about things, people, and feelings. They sometimes show you how to find the good inside you and sometimes some of them teach you exactly how you DONT ever want to be. In this song, you hear about how your better, but not the best. You will always have a challenge a head of you and sometimes you need help to fight those demands. You hear about no matter how much you screwed up in the past, or someone screwed you, you get a little stronger.
I don't always feel stronger after something or someone leaves my life. Even if they made a positive impact. I don't always feel like i am ready to let them go. And sometimes they don't leave you a choice.
Take the chance to get to know everyone around you. Some may burn you and some may help you. Either way, you learn something from everyone no matter what the lesson may be. Don't judge by the past. Learn about people from who they are now. Help eachother grow and learn. If you stay friends forever you'll be as close as can be. If not, you both have learned something from eachother. Everyday Is a new day and a chance to learn!!!!! Everyone around you had something to teach you, even when they don't know it.
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