It aint that easy!!!!

     So, I said there was a reason that I didn't make resolutions.  It is way to hard to keep up with them.  Turns out the same thing is true about goals.  This has been a lot harder then I thought it would ever be.  The hardest thing that I have come across so far is that, it's really actually hard to not let others have any effects on my day to day mood and feelings.  Seems like people really don't care when they let other people down.  I know that I am by no means a perfect wife, mother, friend, or family member.  I can tell you that when I say I am going to do something, I do everything that I can to keep up with that.  Ya, it gets hard sometimes, and sometimes it would be easier to let other people down and be a  little more selfish at times.  My biggest question is why the hell do others feel the need to be so selfish. 
    It really hard to tell who in this world and who in your life is real, and who is not.  I have to keep trying as this is a goal of mine.  It will make everything in my life a whole lot easier.  I just need to know the secret on how you start living for yourself and not for other people. This is going to be a tough road. 
    I am happy to say that, I happen to find a short term fix to the issue.  Keep busy.  The more busy that you are the less you have time to sit and think about all the things that may be wrong in your life.  I happen to get a nice new novel for Christmas, and took some time to finally read that.  If you know me, you know the whole thing only took me about 2 days to get through even with the day to day things a mom and wife has to do.  It did however keep me pretty distracted from all the other things that flow through my mind all the time. 
    I read the book "homefront"  It actually took me a couple chapters to get into, but once I was into it, there was no going back.  All it took was for me to realize, how much I could relate to the story.  Here is my idea of a description of the story.
   A women who has a really shitty childhood, and needs to find her place in the world.  When she is old enough she joins the army as a blackhawk pilot.  Then she meets a man that she falls in love with and starts a family.  She stops going active duty and goes into the reserves so that her husband can keep with the law firm and she can have time with her family.  Her best friend that she meets in flight school, moves in next door and they are all happy as clams.  Until the nation calls on them to go to war in Afghanistan.  Her marriage has been rocky for a little while, but her husband finally tells her the day before she gets the call, that he doesn't love her anymore. 
    She ends up going with her best friend to war, and somewhere along the way, she was doing her job, and her blackhawk was hit, and went down.  She looses a  leg, her friend dies, and she refuses to take help from anyone.  She goes from mrs optimist to mrs not give a shit real fast. 
    However in the end, she ends up giving it her all, and eventually overcomes a lot of things, and even makes her marriage a much better one in the end.  The whole story is full of a  lot of lesson, and the reality that life can change in the blink of an eye.  To watch what you say to people, and hold those that you love dear to you.  Even when you are having a hard time in life, remember that others too are struggling.  IF you keep all those things bottled inside, you start to loose sight of the reality of things.  I do that often.  This is a real reality for those of use Military spouses.  Each day is a new day, and it should be treated as such. 
     It also got me thinking about some news that I happen to hear on the internet just a couple days ago.  5 Soldiers from our last duty station (Fort Riley) were killed in a crash.  Another one was killed while fishing in a lake that we used to go play at and have BBQ at all the time.  Another was killed one day on post, at work in the Motor pool because he was hit by a vehicle.  Not all that long ago, there was a soldier down the street from us, that committed suicide.  It makes you see that not only do bad things happen to those in combat.  It can happen, anytime and any place.  It shouldn't take events like this for everyone to see how precious life can be, and how fast it can change in the blink of an eye.  
     Soldiers deal with a lot of things while they are deployed.  They hear things and see things that no one should ever have to hear.  Some of these soldiers are no more then 18 years old.  Have not even lived a life yet, and they are having to see the real of the war.  And not a single one of them come back the same. EVER.  Some worse then others.  As much as they struggle, and though their struggles may be more severe as well as the effects they have to deal with for the rest of their lives, each and every person deals with their own war. 
    Treat everyone like their hearts are made of glass.   Be honest, and be true, but watch what you say and how it effects the people around you.  Remember that the things that you say to someone, may be the last time that you are able to say anything to them at all.  Make it matter.  You are not so perfect that you can not give someone the time of day that they ask for or appear to need.  You are never ever to busy to help someone out. 
   Why some people wanna eventually be remembered by their selfishness and unwillingness to help others and show people the respect that they deserve is beyond me. 
    For the rest of the day, I am going to try and over come this "don't depend on others to change your mood"  and ill let yall know if I happen to find the secret.  Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen this woman is on a mission! (If you happen to turn blue in the process, stop holding your breath...you WILL pass out)
DISCLAIMER**** I am not responsible for any idiot that happens to listen to me and ends up passing out.!