These are the moments...

These last few weeks have been so busy for me and Dave. There is so much to do before he leaves. This weekend was so amazing though. We had a great time just laughing and hanging out. I never have had so much fun just sitting around playing scrabble. To think that this is his last weekend with him for a long long time, puts a damper on the mood though. I know that he is getting frustrated that I am not breaking down yet.
What he does not understand is that once I break down, I am unsure about when I will pull myself back together again. I do not want to make his last few minutes any harder for him than I know they already are. I hate to think about what he is thinking sometimes. I know that in the back of his mind, he is cherishing all the little things. He is trying to hold on to what he has left. So are the rest of us.
I want nothing more than him to walk away in a few days knowing that he had a great time and that we will be right here waiting when he gets back. I have had the camera in my hand all week capturing everything that I can before he leaves. I want the kids to have MANY MANY things to look back on. To help us all get through this. I know these are the moments that matter the most. Neither one of us want to have any regrets later down the road.
I will miss him so very very much! I know that to him I hold in my feelings alot. Even though it makes him upset that I do not say what I really think, I only do it to hold me together. This is not going to be easy and there is no easy way around this!
Not only am I sad that I have to let my husband go, I am sad to see almost all my friends have to do the same. Most everyone that I have meet here, have a soldier going with Dave too. I know that we are all strong.
People tell me all the time, it will be OK. I am not so sure that being strong has anything to do with this. I really feel that no matter how many times a person has to say good bye to your soldier, you never are OK with it. Although it makes you a more self reliant person, I am really not sure this has anything to do with how strong I am. I know that I am strong. I am good at hiding my emotions and putting on a show. But that is not going to get me through this.
Courage is what will get me through. Confidence is what will keep me sane. To know that Dave is confident in what he is going to do and courage enough to be real about it. The thing that makes me both happy and worried, is that my husbands hides very little and has prepared me for any situation. I know that this is real, and I know that it is not SAFE where he is going. I know what can happen there. I also know that my soldiers fate is not in my hands. All i can do is pray that he makes it back to me and the kids as soon as he can. I know that he is not going to be the same when he gets home.
After he leaves this week I know that I will most likely never see "this" husband again. I know that he will see things there and experience things that no one should have to in their lives. i know that he will always be scared deep inside. The wife and mom in me will only want to take away any and all pain that he should hold when he returns.
What he is most scared of is that I am not going to want him when he comes back. What he needs to know is that he will never EVER be "damaged" to me. He will always be my husband and I will always love him the same.

So for you, my love, You are a wonderful husband and a great dad. Nothing can take that from you. If you are different when you return, we will still be here and we will all work through this together. That's what families do. I know that you will always be in your heart somewhere and we will work to find it. No matter what it takes. I hope that you are safe and you come home to us soon. We will be waiting for you!!!!! We love you