So i had to take Dave to the Company EARLY this morning. You know there have been so many times in the last few weeks that make me think, this is the last time we can do this for a long time. So I have been soaking in everything and cherishing the moments that I had left. When I made the choice to take the kids with me at 2am and sit with him until 6 this morning, I was worried. I was scared that the kids would not make it, and that I would have to leave earlier than I wanted to. I wanted to stay until they told me I could not stay anymore. I didnt want to miss a moment that I could have had with him. Aside from me, I wanted the kids to have as much time with him as they could get. At least this way when they start to ask about him later, I know that they had all the time they could have had. Its one less thing that I wont regret.
I saw a lot of wives bailing early, and it made me think at times that they may have the right idea. Maybe I was dragging this out more than I needed to. I kept going back and forth between it being wrong and right. I finally thought to myself that everyone is different and some families have a different understanding than my family. It was right to stay and I am glad that I did stay till the end.
This being the first deployment that we have come to, we did a great job preparing. I have gone through this house all morning and can not find a single thing that dave forgot. On top of that we have done things for the kids like get them each a recordable book that dave had recorded in. I also had Dave make a recording on the Video camera for the boys, and one for me. Since we are freezing his phone line, I thought about how many times I might just need to hear his voice. If I freeze his line I cant call his voicemail to hear it, so we both recorded a message on my phone. We have been telling the kids about it since before Christmas, and I think Dallas really understood last night. Power of Attorney is all taken care of, and all the papers that we should need are in order. I truely think that we are as prepared for this as we can be.
I can also say there were times there this morning when I was regretting not just getting a sitter for the kids, and having dave say goodbye to them before he left. In the end, even through the rough times the kids had there, they turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I cried saying bye in the company while holding dallas. He did nothing but lighten the mood. He made my face do squishy face and laughed with me. When it was time to leave, I had my moments on the way home as I cried and fell apart a bit all the way home. Who am I kidding, it was not a little, It was a lot that I fell apart. When i reached the house, the tears stopped and I knew it was time. It was time to shut off the water works, and get my kids into their nice warm beds. It was like effortless to pull myself together to get that all done. I fell asleep just fine with the help of being awake for 21 hours.
When Dallas got me up this morning at 11, I felt so HUNGOVER! I had a headache and I felt like my head was DRYIED out to the max. I was so tired still my eyes burned. I had a wonderful friend that came over shortly after bearing Starbucks and conversation. I was ok to tell her what it was like. I feel a lot better now. I know that this is going to get harder. At this point I sort of feel like he is just at work and should be home this afternoon, or in a day or two. It will hit me more and more as time passes I am sure.
It's not just seeing my husband leaving that tears me up. It's all the others too. The soldier and wife that were there this morning with a baby that was only a couple days old. The tears in his eyes that he was fighting as he held and kisses his new bundle of joy. To see Dallas and Colton with Dave for the last few moments. To see all my friends husbands there as well. To know that I am not the only one effected by this time. All my friends are! It makes me sad to know that most of the people that I have come to love here are also hurting just as much as me.
Without these wonderful people, I may not get through this. I am so glad to have such a wonderful army family, and family back home that is so supportive of our life! We are all army wives. Some of these people have done this a million times, for most of us this is the first. It doesn't appear to get any easier as time passes, or as many times as they have to go. What I need to remember is not only what great things my husband is doing for this country, what a selfless thing he is going to do, or how much time and training he has had to do this. I need to remember that this is what I am trained for. This is my job as an army wife. This is my selfless act, to give up my husband when duty calls, and just like Dave, This is my time to shine. It is my time to prove that I can do this for as long as I need to do it. To do just like Dave and keep going no matter the amount of sleep, or lack or wanting to do something.... I can and I will!!!!
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