I can not tell you have many times, I have read or seen something that made me think "WOW, that person is so depressing!" Today I am that person. I do not think there is person in this world that can make me smile right now. The one person that can is not even here. It's weird. I am just crabby and irritable. I feel like I am the only person in this world. I feel like there is no one else that is here...aside from the kids that are pretty hard to ignore.
I guess you could say I feel like I am invisible to everyone. I don't like it. I don't like this sitting around doing nothing, and I certainly do not like anyone right now. Why? I don't know. I am beyond irritated with people who lay next to the ones that they love every night... but complain when they are gone a week. Now I know that used to be me.... but it's different for me now. (and I am well aware that the world is not about me, but I can have my moments too!) I know that this is the life that we choose. I am willing to deal with that. It's not even that, and I can not even say that this "rant" is any ones fault in particular. I just want to be mad I guess. I have nothing better to do! I can't make up my mind. I want to be alone, but not really. I want to hate everything, but not really. I want to go to bed, but not really. I want someone to come to my house and have a drink, but not really. I want to work out, but not really. I want a damn Peanut Butter and Jelly.... BUT NOT REALLY.
I guess I want to miss the one that I love! I want to see his face, or hear is voice. I want him to kiss me good-night, and tuck my kids in. I want him to come shopping with me, and work out with me.
I just want to be mad at the world right now.... Hopefully I can let it all out, and be done with it. I hope that everyone can let it all out and be done with it. Because if I did this everyday, I would be the most LAME person in the world, and probably and alcoholic too! So there it is, my rant!!!!
Showing posts with label sad mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad mothers. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
It was only peanut butter !!!!
I was at the commissary yesterday without the kids. I was going about my list, just doing my thing. I made it as far as the black olives. For those that do not know the Fort Riley Commissary, there about the 3rd thing you see when you walk in. So behind me walks a mother with her two younger girls. I think the youngest was about 2 and the oldest about 4-5. I saw her stop at the penut butter (which is the first thing that you get to when you go to the commissary) and then started to walk without getting any. It took about 2 seconds for her older daughter to Jump up and say "MOM, you forgot to get daddy some penut butter! What will he do for lunch?" I wasn't looking at her until her little one said that. I thought it was cute, she wanted to make sure daddy got what he wanted at the store. So when I looked over I notice her mother crying. Not hard. Its those tears that just kind of sneak out on you. She said on hunny, and grabbed a can of penut butter. It's then that you realize her husband is not here and most likely just left.
It made me think about how often I have short little water work parties of my own. I sometimes never even stop to think about what it is that sets me off. It's the little things. I can be driving in the car and just think about something that he said to me that was super funny, or seeing a soldier and his wife. They never last more than a couple seconds and it is only ever a couple tears that get by. But, as I was going about my day today, washing dishes, I think I get it. Its not really MISSING him like some would thing. Like I am falling over the edge over him being gone a few days. I post things on FB about him and how much I miss him. Now don't get me wrong I miss HIM!!!!!! But, this is not the first time he has been gone. It's the simple fact that we are barely started with this, and its no where near over. I cry for my family here with out him and for him not here with us. I cry for the struggles he will have to endure without me and those that I have to do without him. Up until this point our lives have been nothing but working together. Were not allowed that anymore. Your family is really not a family when your husband leaves for 12 months.
As for the Lady at the commissary, I didn't say anything. Some people now are thinking, what a big MEAN person you are for not trying to talk to her, you going through the same thing. I didn't say anything because like I said they were the little tears, and she wasn't like crying hysterically. Saying something would most likely make her think more about it, and cry more. It would have made things worse. I don't think I would want someone to say something to me either.
It made me think about how often I have short little water work parties of my own. I sometimes never even stop to think about what it is that sets me off. It's the little things. I can be driving in the car and just think about something that he said to me that was super funny, or seeing a soldier and his wife. They never last more than a couple seconds and it is only ever a couple tears that get by. But, as I was going about my day today, washing dishes, I think I get it. Its not really MISSING him like some would thing. Like I am falling over the edge over him being gone a few days. I post things on FB about him and how much I miss him. Now don't get me wrong I miss HIM!!!!!! But, this is not the first time he has been gone. It's the simple fact that we are barely started with this, and its no where near over. I cry for my family here with out him and for him not here with us. I cry for the struggles he will have to endure without me and those that I have to do without him. Up until this point our lives have been nothing but working together. Were not allowed that anymore. Your family is really not a family when your husband leaves for 12 months.
As for the Lady at the commissary, I didn't say anything. Some people now are thinking, what a big MEAN person you are for not trying to talk to her, you going through the same thing. I didn't say anything because like I said they were the little tears, and she wasn't like crying hysterically. Saying something would most likely make her think more about it, and cry more. It would have made things worse. I don't think I would want someone to say something to me either.
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