Alright, I am going to try not to babble on and on and on about this whole thing....but its hard to stay quiet when i am so mad about it. Not just mad but frustrated!
It was my understanding before my husband deployed, that your POA or Power of Attorney was your most sacred posession while he was gone. Thinking on those terms, I figured what else do I need? Yeah, well for all you people out there that think that, don't get slapped in the face as I have been.
When Dave left we both agreed it was way past time for a new car. One that we trusted to take to Minnesota and back. So we gathered up the power of Attorneys and off he went for his 12 month camping trip in the sand.
I went test driving and started to find the things that I liked and didn't like about vehicles... I got the tax money for a down payment.... I was set. You can imagine how shocked I was when I started to talk about financing a car, and they told me they do not accept the POA!!! Are you kidding! "ma'am we are sorry, but we do not take just a POA anymore. We have been burned by too many spouses that bought a car with it and then left the soldier before his return and the soldier was stuck with the payment." Well, alright what else can I do. Some places told me they can send him a contract to sign and then he can send it back. How about NO. He doesn't have outgoing mail. However he does have email from time to time. can you email it? No we like to send it. Back to square on 1 I go....laaaa deee daaa
I have been going in circles for almost 2 months now looking for a place that will work with me in my situation. So DO NOT believe the ones that tell you that they are locally owned and always willing to help...that's if your non-military I guess.
To make a Long frustrating story short, what the hell is a POA good for. Can you really deny it? it's a legal piece of paper! I mean I know it allows me to access his accounts at the bank.... but lets be real here people. We have been married 4 years. I know all his information, and if you don't think I can sound like a man on the phone you have got another thing coming! They don't personally know him, they don't know what he sounds like. So what if I sound silly. They can't pass judgment. So if I can't make purchases with it, and i already have a way to get everything else done, it sure seems like just another piece of paper to me.
I am shocked that people are so quick to turn us down. In this day and age, with the economy the way it is, I would prefer to make a sale to someone I know is going to have a steady paycheck for the next 3 years.... vs BOB who has a good job now, but who knows what his employment status will be when the ecomony takes another turn. Come on people what the hell happened to supporting your troops. The last thing my soldier wants to hear is that there is no one willing to help is family while he defends the country that is free! Come on people! Help a person out.
So here is to hoping that I find that one person that has a big heart and is not just in it to make a quick dollar. That one random person you run into from time to time that knows what you must be going through and is willing to help you. If not for the soldier, and not for his spouse, how about for their kids that want so bad to go back home for a little while and see family!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Always here
Sitting around this evening, missing my soldier. Realizing all that he does to help me. Knowing full well there is no place I would rather him be than here with me. I started to notice that he is everywhere.
When I put away clothes, his are always right there. When I walk up the stairs, his pictures hang...all the way up. When I scoop Ice cream and remember the reason I have to use a spoon is because he broke the scoop we had. When I take a shower and his shampoo is there. When I brush my teeth and his toothbrush is there. When I take the kids somewhere and remember something silly he said there.
Truth is, no matter where your hero may be, he is actually right there with you. I know that I ruin it when I say, that no matter how many times he tells me to look at the moon, because he is looking at it too....and I come back with: no your not. Its already left you by the time I see it. By the time the moon shines on me the sun is shining on him.
What a downer right!? Well, I thought about it a little more and even if he can't see it at the same time, I know that he sent all his love into the moon and sent it to me! :) (see, i'm not so terrible.)
So, my husband, no matter where he may be today, tonight, or tomorrow... there is always a little piece of him with me. I prefer to have that, than nothing at all.
The next time you are missing your loved one, Look at the moon and know all your heroes love is there....and he is sending it to you.
When I put away clothes, his are always right there. When I walk up the stairs, his pictures hang...all the way up. When I scoop Ice cream and remember the reason I have to use a spoon is because he broke the scoop we had. When I take a shower and his shampoo is there. When I brush my teeth and his toothbrush is there. When I take the kids somewhere and remember something silly he said there.
Truth is, no matter where your hero may be, he is actually right there with you. I know that I ruin it when I say, that no matter how many times he tells me to look at the moon, because he is looking at it too....and I come back with: no your not. Its already left you by the time I see it. By the time the moon shines on me the sun is shining on him.
What a downer right!? Well, I thought about it a little more and even if he can't see it at the same time, I know that he sent all his love into the moon and sent it to me! :) (see, i'm not so terrible.)
So, my husband, no matter where he may be today, tonight, or tomorrow... there is always a little piece of him with me. I prefer to have that, than nothing at all.
The next time you are missing your loved one, Look at the moon and know all your heroes love is there....and he is sending it to you.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Is it Contagious???
Ok maybe I am the only one that feels this way. AND if your reading this, please do not take offense to this. I can not complain about the awesome support that I have right here in Fort Riley and also back home. There are people that are always there for me. No matter what time. Now I also understand that it's not just my soldier that is deployed. He is not just my husband, but someones son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson, friend etc.... I know that people all deal with things in their own way as well.
I just cant help but feel like some people think they are going to catch my "DEPLOYMENT" or something from me. Either that or they really don't care for me much. Either way the situation sucks. Me I can handle, the kids on the other hand are pretty bummed about it all. So is my husband. Me and him had a long talk about this right before he went on mission. I guess we came to the conclusion that even though it sucks, it's not worth it. Just smile and wave I guess. Deal with it the best we can and get around the situation. We thought it was best not to say anything in particular to anyone. But, you all know me and someday I might break. Aside from all that, I may be able to keep quiet, but I have to vent sometimes too!
I thought that when your husband left people were closer to you, not just cut you out all the way. I just can't help by feel used I guess. Perhaps these people talked to me just to get information on Dave, or to talk to the kids. I don't really wanna play nice anymore though. As i sit here and think about all this, I can't help but want to say..... "If you don't like me, don't pretend to!" He has been trying to be nice about this as well. I am sure between us we can get around this. He is better at this whole smile and wave then I am though. Even though he tried to be polite about it once already.
I just want everyone to know that you can catch the flu, chickenpox, or a cold, but no matter what why you look at it.... You can't catch DEPLOYMENT. The sad feeling that the wife has from time to time will not lay you up in bed for a week just because you called. And you will not magically wake up to an empty bed because your civilian husband magically disappeared overseas because you wanted to drop a line to the wife of a soldier. If anyone out there knows wives and kids that are holding up the house while their soldier is away.... what the hurt in calling from time to time.
I just cant help but feel like some people think they are going to catch my "DEPLOYMENT" or something from me. Either that or they really don't care for me much. Either way the situation sucks. Me I can handle, the kids on the other hand are pretty bummed about it all. So is my husband. Me and him had a long talk about this right before he went on mission. I guess we came to the conclusion that even though it sucks, it's not worth it. Just smile and wave I guess. Deal with it the best we can and get around the situation. We thought it was best not to say anything in particular to anyone. But, you all know me and someday I might break. Aside from all that, I may be able to keep quiet, but I have to vent sometimes too!
I thought that when your husband left people were closer to you, not just cut you out all the way. I just can't help by feel used I guess. Perhaps these people talked to me just to get information on Dave, or to talk to the kids. I don't really wanna play nice anymore though. As i sit here and think about all this, I can't help but want to say..... "If you don't like me, don't pretend to!" He has been trying to be nice about this as well. I am sure between us we can get around this. He is better at this whole smile and wave then I am though. Even though he tried to be polite about it once already.
I just want everyone to know that you can catch the flu, chickenpox, or a cold, but no matter what why you look at it.... You can't catch DEPLOYMENT. The sad feeling that the wife has from time to time will not lay you up in bed for a week just because you called. And you will not magically wake up to an empty bed because your civilian husband magically disappeared overseas because you wanted to drop a line to the wife of a soldier. If anyone out there knows wives and kids that are holding up the house while their soldier is away.... what the hurt in calling from time to time.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Greatful.....
I know that sometimes, going through this deployment, I am not always the most positive person to be around. I am only human. It is easy to complain and to whine about things that are going wrong. It's easy for me and break down and cry when they are sold out of his favorite something... or when I just have nothing better to do. There is so much that happens to go wrong for us wives of the deployed soldiers. It's easy for us to have self-pity parties, or blame the army when the car breaks and the kids want daddy.
What I really forget sometimes is all the things that this deployment has made me realize already. I have realized that although Dave and I are not perfect people, we are perfect for each other. We are perfect for our kids. Though our kids are not perfect people either, they are perfect for us. People say all the time that you can look at the same moon and the stars and know that he is looking at them too. See though, that doesn't work when your soldier is in another country. When I see the stars, he sees the sun. So, I was thinking about it the other day, and although I can not look at the stars or the moon when he does, I get it right after. When I look in the sky, It's the same sky my love was looking at last night. Those are the same stars that he wishes upon, and that is the same moon he looked at and smiled to.
Going to the post office is a GREAT feeling now. Even when the line is out the doors and the people there are rude. Even when your kids are mad that they have to sit there, and you are mad that SOMEONE got the bright idea to invent the CUSTOMS FORMS. Even when it costs me 65.00 to bring something there! Its a great feeling to know that, when he sees this package it's going to make his day. All the little things in there are going to make him smile. And he will be able to do nothing else but think about us when he gets it.
Going to walmart and the commissary can also be a good time. There is no one that can wipe the smile from my face when I am in the store and I see something that I can get him. Or something that I think of to make for him. I smile from ear to ear knowing how great he will feel when he sees it.
There is no greater feeling than when you get to capture a memory for him on the camera or the video camera. Though it is sad that he has to miss it, I am grateful that he gets to see it still no matter how.
Though this whole experience is no picnic, I have learned so much already and hope that I continue to learn and grow as time passes. I will not stop having moments when I just have to cry, or days when everything I see makes me miss him that much more. I will not promise that I will be perfect or not make mistakes while he is away. That is how I will learn. I will buy things that sounded great at the time and have to return later because there is really no need. I will take a few dollars from savings to buy me something to make me feel better. I will burn the pizza more than once. I will forget to ask him something when he calls. I will buy the boys toys for no reason at all. And I am sure I will lock myself out of the house or the car at least once. I HAVE run the jeep out of gas by not paying attention But I will Never ever ever...... stop missing my love. I will not let those things get in the way of my growing experience. AND I CERTAINLY will continue look at the moon that he looked at last night and make wishes on those same stars......
I love you baby... Know that no what, I will Love you to the moon and miss you to the stars
What I really forget sometimes is all the things that this deployment has made me realize already. I have realized that although Dave and I are not perfect people, we are perfect for each other. We are perfect for our kids. Though our kids are not perfect people either, they are perfect for us. People say all the time that you can look at the same moon and the stars and know that he is looking at them too. See though, that doesn't work when your soldier is in another country. When I see the stars, he sees the sun. So, I was thinking about it the other day, and although I can not look at the stars or the moon when he does, I get it right after. When I look in the sky, It's the same sky my love was looking at last night. Those are the same stars that he wishes upon, and that is the same moon he looked at and smiled to.
Going to the post office is a GREAT feeling now. Even when the line is out the doors and the people there are rude. Even when your kids are mad that they have to sit there, and you are mad that SOMEONE got the bright idea to invent the CUSTOMS FORMS. Even when it costs me 65.00 to bring something there! Its a great feeling to know that, when he sees this package it's going to make his day. All the little things in there are going to make him smile. And he will be able to do nothing else but think about us when he gets it.
Going to walmart and the commissary can also be a good time. There is no one that can wipe the smile from my face when I am in the store and I see something that I can get him. Or something that I think of to make for him. I smile from ear to ear knowing how great he will feel when he sees it.
There is no greater feeling than when you get to capture a memory for him on the camera or the video camera. Though it is sad that he has to miss it, I am grateful that he gets to see it still no matter how.
Though this whole experience is no picnic, I have learned so much already and hope that I continue to learn and grow as time passes. I will not stop having moments when I just have to cry, or days when everything I see makes me miss him that much more. I will not promise that I will be perfect or not make mistakes while he is away. That is how I will learn. I will buy things that sounded great at the time and have to return later because there is really no need. I will take a few dollars from savings to buy me something to make me feel better. I will burn the pizza more than once. I will forget to ask him something when he calls. I will buy the boys toys for no reason at all. And I am sure I will lock myself out of the house or the car at least once. I HAVE run the jeep out of gas by not paying attention But I will Never ever ever...... stop missing my love. I will not let those things get in the way of my growing experience. AND I CERTAINLY will continue look at the moon that he looked at last night and make wishes on those same stars......
I love you baby... Know that no what, I will Love you to the moon and miss you to the stars
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
WOW... day 40
I know that there is many many more days to go.... But I am proud to say that I have so far made it to this point. As I expected in the beginning, some days are much Harder than others. Though I hear from him WAY less then I did in the start, it makes missing him that much harder. I thought that I would get used to the empty feeling at night... but it seems that is just staying the same. I have done as I said in the start of all this and kept busy. It was pretty easy to do with all the tax shopping that I have had to do.
When he left I said that I was going to be send him a package each payday. That's not that much to ask and it's not that hard to do. RIGHT???? WRONG!!!! It's hard to get everything together to put in the box... and then I like to pick a time that the kids are in school before making the trip to the post office. One thing that I have learned since the last time that I was here is that life at the Post Office is WAY WAY WAY easier when there are no kids in tote. Have you ever had to carry a child 2 boxes and hold another childs hand? If you have done it, I would like ot say YOU ROCK.... but it i try not to stress myself out more than I need to.
I have to say though, before i go to bed..... I have learned so much here. I would not take this life away for anything. there will never be a time that I wish it never happened. Me and Dave have an understanding like most military families. I know that I miss him like crazy and he misses me. I know that the boys are having a hard time without him. But at this time this is the life that we are to be in. This is were the road led us to. No matter what it is that brought us here, this is where we are. Why would you not want to make the best out of this. So Dave is happy where he is. He knows that where he is, he is needed. He is needed more there then he is here. Because I knows that I GOT THIS! And that i will be here waiting.... ALl in one piece when he can come back to be.
I miss you babe and I hope that you call me soon. Stay safe and I love you babe
When he left I said that I was going to be send him a package each payday. That's not that much to ask and it's not that hard to do. RIGHT???? WRONG!!!! It's hard to get everything together to put in the box... and then I like to pick a time that the kids are in school before making the trip to the post office. One thing that I have learned since the last time that I was here is that life at the Post Office is WAY WAY WAY easier when there are no kids in tote. Have you ever had to carry a child 2 boxes and hold another childs hand? If you have done it, I would like ot say YOU ROCK.... but it i try not to stress myself out more than I need to.
I have to say though, before i go to bed..... I have learned so much here. I would not take this life away for anything. there will never be a time that I wish it never happened. Me and Dave have an understanding like most military families. I know that I miss him like crazy and he misses me. I know that the boys are having a hard time without him. But at this time this is the life that we are to be in. This is were the road led us to. No matter what it is that brought us here, this is where we are. Why would you not want to make the best out of this. So Dave is happy where he is. He knows that where he is, he is needed. He is needed more there then he is here. Because I knows that I GOT THIS! And that i will be here waiting.... ALl in one piece when he can come back to be.
I miss you babe and I hope that you call me soon. Stay safe and I love you babe
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day 18.... TOUCH
I know that it has been awhile since I last posted. Not that I have not wanted to. There was just nothing going on. I have spend the last 3 nights online at night with my husband. Its been great. I have gotten to get some pictures of him on there and he had been able to get some that i send him. That way when and if he ends up with no internet in the near future, he has those saved on his computer to still look at for now.
You know so many said that nights were the hardest, and i was like why!!! Now i get that most often they are at work during the day so you are not used to him here. But I normally do the dinner thing, and then we put the kids to bed, and watch some tv, and then when we go to bed, he faces the other way and I watch tv. He turns so the light does not bother him from the tv. These people were not kidding, but were wrong about the night time. It's not that I only miss him at night time, I just think about it more at night. I think about how long I have to make it before he can hold my hand, kiss me, hug me.... Hearing he loves me is a great feeling. Don't get me wrong, I embrace the internet and the time I have had with him online. To me though, hearing he loves me is just not the same without a kiss.
It's not the same at night to fight over the covers, or spend the first half of my morning cleaning up the pt's that are in a trail from the door through the kitchen and up the stairs. We are slowly adjusting. The thing about a year deployment, is it is way to long to try and stay in the same routine, and it's not forever so once i get this new routine, he will come home and I will have try to get back to the old ways. It's going to be difficult. This is all part of this life. I think knowing that some people could not do this is enough to be proud of myself already. Not just me, but the great friends I have. They are all doing a great job! I think we have all had the bad days, and we have all had amazing days that include a 3 am phone call, letter, picture, or internet chat.
I can not imagine going through a deployment and never getting anything more then a letter every three months. Like in the old days, those wives of veterans are more than super wives. I can not even imagine how those woman kept from having mental breakdowns. They had much less then we do now, the communication was none, and the money was not great either. (not like it is a fortune now, but it's enough to get us through.)
So, I think more than anything its the physical touch that is just really hard to deal with. Along with the saftey of not just my soldier, but the friends me and Dave have made who went along with him. We pray for the safe return of them and think about them all day !!!! I love you David :)
You know so many said that nights were the hardest, and i was like why!!! Now i get that most often they are at work during the day so you are not used to him here. But I normally do the dinner thing, and then we put the kids to bed, and watch some tv, and then when we go to bed, he faces the other way and I watch tv. He turns so the light does not bother him from the tv. These people were not kidding, but were wrong about the night time. It's not that I only miss him at night time, I just think about it more at night. I think about how long I have to make it before he can hold my hand, kiss me, hug me.... Hearing he loves me is a great feeling. Don't get me wrong, I embrace the internet and the time I have had with him online. To me though, hearing he loves me is just not the same without a kiss.
It's not the same at night to fight over the covers, or spend the first half of my morning cleaning up the pt's that are in a trail from the door through the kitchen and up the stairs. We are slowly adjusting. The thing about a year deployment, is it is way to long to try and stay in the same routine, and it's not forever so once i get this new routine, he will come home and I will have try to get back to the old ways. It's going to be difficult. This is all part of this life. I think knowing that some people could not do this is enough to be proud of myself already. Not just me, but the great friends I have. They are all doing a great job! I think we have all had the bad days, and we have all had amazing days that include a 3 am phone call, letter, picture, or internet chat.
I can not imagine going through a deployment and never getting anything more then a letter every three months. Like in the old days, those wives of veterans are more than super wives. I can not even imagine how those woman kept from having mental breakdowns. They had much less then we do now, the communication was none, and the money was not great either. (not like it is a fortune now, but it's enough to get us through.)
So, I think more than anything its the physical touch that is just really hard to deal with. Along with the saftey of not just my soldier, but the friends me and Dave have made who went along with him. We pray for the safe return of them and think about them all day !!!! I love you David :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Invisible.....Vanished
I can not tell you have many times, I have read or seen something that made me think "WOW, that person is so depressing!" Today I am that person. I do not think there is person in this world that can make me smile right now. The one person that can is not even here. It's weird. I am just crabby and irritable. I feel like I am the only person in this world. I feel like there is no one else that is here...aside from the kids that are pretty hard to ignore.
I guess you could say I feel like I am invisible to everyone. I don't like it. I don't like this sitting around doing nothing, and I certainly do not like anyone right now. Why? I don't know. I am beyond irritated with people who lay next to the ones that they love every night... but complain when they are gone a week. Now I know that used to be me.... but it's different for me now. (and I am well aware that the world is not about me, but I can have my moments too!) I know that this is the life that we choose. I am willing to deal with that. It's not even that, and I can not even say that this "rant" is any ones fault in particular. I just want to be mad I guess. I have nothing better to do! I can't make up my mind. I want to be alone, but not really. I want to hate everything, but not really. I want to go to bed, but not really. I want someone to come to my house and have a drink, but not really. I want to work out, but not really. I want a damn Peanut Butter and Jelly.... BUT NOT REALLY.
I guess I want to miss the one that I love! I want to see his face, or hear is voice. I want him to kiss me good-night, and tuck my kids in. I want him to come shopping with me, and work out with me.
I just want to be mad at the world right now.... Hopefully I can let it all out, and be done with it. I hope that everyone can let it all out and be done with it. Because if I did this everyday, I would be the most LAME person in the world, and probably and alcoholic too! So there it is, my rant!!!!
I guess you could say I feel like I am invisible to everyone. I don't like it. I don't like this sitting around doing nothing, and I certainly do not like anyone right now. Why? I don't know. I am beyond irritated with people who lay next to the ones that they love every night... but complain when they are gone a week. Now I know that used to be me.... but it's different for me now. (and I am well aware that the world is not about me, but I can have my moments too!) I know that this is the life that we choose. I am willing to deal with that. It's not even that, and I can not even say that this "rant" is any ones fault in particular. I just want to be mad I guess. I have nothing better to do! I can't make up my mind. I want to be alone, but not really. I want to hate everything, but not really. I want to go to bed, but not really. I want someone to come to my house and have a drink, but not really. I want to work out, but not really. I want a damn Peanut Butter and Jelly.... BUT NOT REALLY.
I guess I want to miss the one that I love! I want to see his face, or hear is voice. I want him to kiss me good-night, and tuck my kids in. I want him to come shopping with me, and work out with me.
I just want to be mad at the world right now.... Hopefully I can let it all out, and be done with it. I hope that everyone can let it all out and be done with it. Because if I did this everyday, I would be the most LAME person in the world, and probably and alcoholic too! So there it is, my rant!!!!
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