Greatful.....

I know that sometimes, going through this deployment, I am not always the most positive person to be around. I am only human. It is easy to complain and to whine about things that are going wrong. It's easy for me and break down and cry when they are sold out of his favorite something... or when I just have nothing better to do. There is so much that happens to go wrong for us wives of the deployed soldiers. It's easy for us to have self-pity parties, or blame the army when the car breaks and the kids want daddy.
What I really forget sometimes is all the things that this deployment has made me realize already. I have realized that although Dave and I are not perfect people, we are perfect for each other. We are perfect for our kids. Though our kids are not perfect people either, they are perfect for us. People say all the time that you can look at the same moon and the stars and know that he is looking at them too. See though, that doesn't work when your soldier is in another country. When I see the stars, he sees the sun. So, I was thinking about it the other day, and although I can not look at the stars or the moon when he does, I get it right after. When I look in the sky, It's the same sky my love was looking at last night. Those are the same stars that he wishes upon, and that is the same moon he looked at and smiled to.
Going to the post office is a GREAT feeling now. Even when the line is out the doors and the people there are rude. Even when your kids are mad that they have to sit there, and you are mad that SOMEONE got the bright idea to invent the CUSTOMS FORMS. Even when it costs me 65.00 to bring something there! Its a great feeling to know that, when he sees this package it's going to make his day. All the little things in there are going to make him smile. And he will be able to do nothing else but think about us when he gets it.
Going to walmart and the commissary can also be a good time. There is no one that can wipe the smile from my face when I am in the store and I see something that I can get him. Or something that I think of to make for him. I smile from ear to ear knowing how great he will feel when he sees it.
There is no greater feeling than when you get to capture a memory for him on the camera or the video camera. Though it is sad that he has to miss it, I am grateful that he gets to see it still no matter how.
Though this whole experience is no picnic, I have learned so much already and hope that I continue to learn and grow as time passes. I will not stop having moments when I just have to cry, or days when everything I see makes me miss him that much more. I will not promise that I will be perfect or not make mistakes while he is away. That is how I will learn. I will buy things that sounded great at the time and have to return later because there is really no need. I will take a few dollars from savings to buy me something to make me feel better. I will burn the pizza more than once. I will forget to ask him something when he calls. I will buy the boys toys for no reason at all. And I am sure I will lock myself out of the house or the car at least once. I HAVE run the jeep out of gas by not paying attention But I will Never ever ever...... stop missing my love. I will not let those things get in the way of my growing experience. AND I CERTAINLY will continue look at the moon that he looked at last night and make wishes on those same stars......

I love you baby... Know that no what, I will Love you to the moon and miss you to the stars

WOW... day 40

I know that there is many many more days to go.... But I am proud to say that I have so far made it to this point. As I expected in the beginning, some days are much Harder than others. Though I hear from him WAY less then I did in the start, it makes missing him that much harder. I thought that I would get used to the empty feeling at night... but it seems that is just staying the same. I have done as I said in the start of all this and kept busy. It was pretty easy to do with all the tax shopping that I have had to do.
When he left I said that I was going to be send him a package each payday. That's not that much to ask and it's not that hard to do. RIGHT???? WRONG!!!! It's hard to get everything together to put in the box... and then I like to pick a time that the kids are in school before making the trip to the post office. One thing that I have learned since the last time that I was here is that life at the Post Office is WAY WAY WAY easier when there are no kids in tote. Have you ever had to carry a child 2 boxes and hold another childs hand? If you have done it, I would like ot say YOU ROCK.... but it i try not to stress myself out more than I need to.
I have to say though, before i go to bed..... I have learned so much here. I would not take this life away for anything. there will never be a time that I wish it never happened. Me and Dave have an understanding like most military families. I know that I miss him like crazy and he misses me. I know that the boys are having a hard time without him. But at this time this is the life that we are to be in. This is were the road led us to. No matter what it is that brought us here, this is where we are. Why would you not want to make the best out of this. So Dave is happy where he is. He knows that where he is, he is needed. He is needed more there then he is here. Because I knows that I GOT THIS! And that i will be here waiting.... ALl in one piece when he can come back to be.
I miss you babe and I hope that you call me soon. Stay safe and I love you babe