Friday, April 20, 2012

I was asked the other day....

     There is a close friend of mine that is working on a project for the Army Wives.  She asked for my participation and I read into what she wanted from me.  A picture of you, basic information, and ...... Advice or a quote I would share with other military wives.  I have started thinking about what it is I would share with another spouse.  When I think about this question, I don't freeze up, I don't draw a blank.  In fact, I can't seem to find the end of the things I would share. 
    So I started to think about how I can cram everything into a little bit of writing.  I came to the conclusion, that it will not be easy, but I will share the important things that I know, and put the rest here. 
    If a new spouse came to be and asked me to share with her what I know and advice, I would need to make a pot of coffee, and say this:
    You have to give up a lot of yourself, and the life that you once knew is no more.  You reflect your husband, so your mistakes are now his.  Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle.  It is in no way an easy task to be a successful military wife. Surround yourself with your new "family."  Your family back home is still and always will be your family.  However, they can not come running when you and the kids are sick, or when you need help.  This is what those wonderful ladies around you will help you with. Most often times, without you even asking!  The army doesn't care about the plans you made for the weekend, they are going to the field and there is nothing you can do about it.  Be prepared for that to happen more than one time.  Rank is something that your soldier earns and wears, not you.  Your rank is "wife"  nothing more and nothing less.  Though some people have yet to figure this out, we are all in the same situation.  No one is better than the next no matter what your husband does at work.  Deployments seem like the end of the world more times than not.  There is no secret to get through the rough times, except to know who you can count on and stay as busy as possible.  We planned things as often as we could to pass the time and days as fast as possible.  Sleepover, potlucks, coffee, dinner out, movies, playdates, park days..... WINE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND (except for the people that bring you wine, there now your best friends ;) Not all days are great.  Neither are all duty stations.  Make the very best out of what you have, or I can promise you, you will be miserable! Eventually, after you have gotten as close as you can to your "army family", someone will be leaving.  It's never good-bye... always see you later.  You can't take your friends with you when you have to leave.  Once again you have no say in when you leave either.  You are on the military's time now.  FRG's are not always what people think they will be, but I can say that I met the most people becoming a part of it than I did on my own.  Try it at least once.  Take time for you when the kids are sleeping.  Time to relax and do something that you want to do.  You can get 16 free hours of childcare a month while your soldier is deployed (I think that goes for all posts)  USE IT.... ITS FREE 100%, and even if you think you don't, you not only need it, but deserve it.  Macaroni and cheese is a totally acceptable dinner during deployments.  The most important thing is to find your inner strength and independence. Hold your head high because you are part of an elite force of wives!

There is so much more.. I think that I could go forever.  I think this might be the basics of it. That's my advice.... Just keep going is all you can do
"you don't know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option that you have"

Friday, April 13, 2012

Appreciation.... or lack of

     Kids these days..... what happened to them.  I know I was probably no angel as a child.... in fact I know wasn't.  It seems like most kids around here live up to the name "army brat"  This INCLUDES my kids.  They are polite, kind and well mannered when they want to be.  But, there are many times that I am shocked at some of the things that come out of their mouths.  Sometimes I wonder if they appreciate anything that they are given.
     This is something that I should be teaching them.  Where did I go wrong? Maybe to them they don't see me earning anything because I don't work other than at home.  I assume they dont think they are a job in itself.  Maybe it's because when the guys are gone it's so easy to give into your kids so that they will just be quiet and listen from time to time.  Maybe it's because I try to compensate for their dad being gone and not having family here with them, that I feel bad.

     I am in no way saying that my kids are bad kids.  They just don't understand that concept of enjoying what is around you.  I like to think this is a product of their culture and the way the world is today.  People always want want want, and when they get what they want, they want more or better.  Everything is like a worldwide competition.  We complain about money, cars, jobs, people...... can you really complain if you do the same things? I am not pointing fingers, I do this too.

   This is not how I want my life to be lived, or something that I want my kids to continue.  So there is only one solution..... From now on this family is going to start appreciating and respecting what it has.  The things in our homes, the people in our lives, the weather, and anything else.  My kids are great with their manners so thats a good starting point.  From today on, things in this house will be earned.

  I have decided to get them each a piggy bank and when they do things they are asked to do to help out they can earn change that way.  They can buy their own toys and learn the value of money that way.  My kids may not know it, but the things that we have took us a long time to get, and I sometimes think that they need a better understanding of how the world really is.

   I know that I also complain a lot about people and things... money, and my health.... But I am going to try and not do that anymore.  We don't have to be the "army family" that people have labeled that life style to be with the :army Brats" in fact we are not going to be.

  I will start to find the beauty in things rather than the ugly things.  Appreciating people that appreciate me in return, taking advantage of the nice weather....

    It's easy to complain when you are a military family.  Complain about the clinics, the drs, the staff at places, the lack of things, the time it takes to get anything done, the deployments, the fact that you are alone to live life for a year, the way the army takes the people you got close to and moves them across the U.S, the commissary on payday, the distance between you and your family, the long hours your spouse works, blah blah blah.

  There are great things that you get to experience in this life and we are going to get to those things from now on.  I get to have my kids with me all the time, and watch them grow and learn and turn into little independent people.  I have the chance to go to school and learn and grow myself.  Nothing is greater than that really.  That is true beauty.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Learning another path of Army life

    It has been almost 3 years since we moved here to Fort Riley, and started this roller coaster ride we call "army life."  In that time, I have met some of the most amazing people, and now I call them family.  They are more like family than I could have ever imagined they would be.  We were very fortunate to come to this unit as much as we were really worried about Kansas, and what we would do in the boring old state.  A state that was not home.  The first time that we were ever away from home.  To add to it, I had 2 young kids in tote.  Kids I would have to learn to have more patience with, and learn to do more on my own than I did back home.  In short, I had very little time to learn independence.  It was a lot like going to a foreign country and not knowing anyone or anything, but you knew no matter what you had no other options.
    I learned very quickly to make the best of what I had, and that was the best choice I could have made.  When I started to meet people, it didn't take long before there were a number of us that hung out more times than not.  They were there for me in times that I used to need family for.  We all learned about each others past present and future.  No one judged, we just talked and shared stories, wine and food.  Birthdays, holidays, long weekends... they were all an excuse to all get together and hang out.  Something that we all need from time to time.
    These are ladies that know more about me than I sometimes know about myself.  We made it through a deployment holding hands and standing tall.  A support system for one another.  Our kids have grown close and have become part of eachother's lives as well.
   Now, after a deployment, field trainings, NTC, late nights at work, holidays alone, birthdays without our real families, and everything in between, we have all bonded together so tight.  Without hesitation they are ladies that I call when I need help, advice or someone to listen. To know that when I need some help they will be there and expect nothing in return, except that I am there for them when they need something. 
   I was just thinking about how we all came so close, and never talked about the day that might take us away in the future.  We never talked about where we wanted to go next.  I think we all forgot that someday there would be an end.  Now..... that time is coming very quickly, and I don't know what it will be like watching so many of these great people leave in a short amount of time.  In the past it was day to day and there was not talk about the future PCSing that was coming.  We all knew when the deployment was over that this was going to happen, but it was never as real as it is now.  We are all aware that this is all part of the lifestyle, but I don't think that this will ever get any easier no matter how long we are in the army.
   I feel like we are on the countdown now.  Something I have never had to do before.  I feel like there is now an end, and this summer will be like no other that I have ever had before.  It will be hard.  These will still always be my first "army ladies" and the ones that taught me all that I know now.  I hope that we remain close.  It won't be the same though.  There not up the road when we want to hang out.
   I hope all these ladies are prepared for a glass of wine on skype once in awhile, I don't care if it's your morning or not. 
   So here is to another new experiance in the Army life.  At least most of us are doing it together once again.  I am sure that in the future I will meet many more great people, but no one will compare to my fort riley chicks!  So here is to future, and hoping that it as fulfilling as it has been for me here.  I hope that you find new friends, but never forget the ones that are here or where here.  So many memories have been made here that i don't think any of us could ever forget.  I feel like no matter where we end up in the future, I will always be comparing everything to the people and events that I have here now.  Future army friends...... you have a whole SHIT load of competition LOL

I LOVE YOU LADIES