I fully understand the meaning of Memorial day. It's not really about those that are serving or have served. It is about those that made the ultimate sacrifice while serving their country. I have to say that this is one of many great holidays that I am so proud. I am proud to be an American, I am proud to be part of the land of the free, I am eternally grateful for those that lost it all to protect me and my kids.
I feel for the families that are now without. I know that I complain that my husband is gone right now. I often don't take into consideration those wives and kids that can't wait for a phone call, or can't anticipate a coming home. When I think about the future, I can't see it without Dave. I think about how our coming home will be and what we will do when he gets home. I dream of the feeling and sense of relief I will have. The ability to breathe again, and not have to worry all the time.
I think about things like what he and I will be doing in 5 years, and how our kids will be as they get older. I wonder how much it hurts the kids to not have daddy here for the next 8 months. I wonder what their little brains think about the whole situation. I wonder how they will react when they see him.
I forget that people have to give that up, all for the country. They have to continue to explain to their kids what happened to daddy. Little kids don't really know what kind of a hero their soldier was. all they know is they are not there and they don't know why. Knowing that I have to be without my husband for one year seems like nothing compared to those that thought the same thing, and then never got their loved one back.
I am not oblivious to the world around me. I fully understand that I could end up in this situation, but it's certainly not something that I want to think about. I don't like the thought, and it is kind of one of those things where you think "that's not going to happen to me." I guess not think that, but hope that it never happens.
Truth in the matter is, it doesn't matter how old you are, how smart you are, what color your skin is, married or single, fit, high ranking, low ranking, great marksmen, or the best of the best. Shit happens over there that people don't even want to know about. It happens to many many people all the time. It has been happening for a VERY long time. It will happen for a long time after today as well. It's a sad reality, and my heart hurts for all those lost.
They may be lost, but they are never forgotten. I pass the Post cemetery all the time on post, and each time it hits a place in my heart. I choke all the time that I am driving by. At the same time, I am proud. I don't look at a soldier here as a soldier, they are all heroes outside of their homes. It doesn't matter who they are or what they do in their free time, when duty calls, they are right there all the time to answer.
There are not many people that would sign up for something, knowing what the outcome might be. I mean think about it. I know that if someone said to me, well you can do this, but you might not ever make it back. I would walk away. I have a fear of death as most people do. It's not often something that you can control, or know the outcome of. The only thing these soldiers know, is this is what they want to do, and this is what they stand for no matter the future. That alone is a noble quest. It takes a lot of courage to do what they do.
So today as i go past the cemetery, I will stop, and take a moment. Not to mour those that have not made it back, but to give thanks. I will be grateful. For all those many men and woman that have lost it all for me and my country. When I see the flags on the graves, I know that I will be sad, and again feel for the families that are now left without, I will fear in the back of mind that this could be me someday. But there will be nothing more fulfilling than giving a few moments of my time to honor those resting in peace there.
For this point forward, I plan to stop there more than just on memorial day. These wonderful people should be honored and appreciated more than one time a year. SO I will now stop as often as possible and I hope that others start to do the same. TO make sure those that those that are gone are really never forgotten. You don't have to be close to a soldier to realize what they have done, and what they have lost. I mean in reality, they did it for you.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Yeah I am still here.....
Yeah I know I have just kind of disappeared for awhile. You all wanna know something though? I'm still here, 100+ days after the day he left, I am still mostly in one piece. SO guess what people, though it may feel like your just going to melt away in a puddle of nothing when he leaves, I am living proof that it's just not true.
Though I will say I have a few things that I wanna say tonight. Topic 1. this whole Osama thing. Yeah, you all knew it was coming didn't you. Well the first thing I think about it is that it finally got all the attention of Will and Kate LOL. I know it was a happy time and every girl wants to be a princess, but that was an overload. The sad part is OSAMA took that attention away from them. I want to first say that I am proud to be an American. I know that I am safe here and I sleep in peace knowing this. I am SOOOO proud of the men that were able to pull off this operation. Though his death is a great thing, why do I feel like people are forgetting what else can happen at this time. I feel like people forget there are so many men and woman still in their country at this time. If we just pissed off the wrong people then they may try something else to all the wonderful Americans they have access to. I know there is no perfect ending to this whole thing. I just don't feel much like it's time to celebrate just yet. NO I'm not a selfish person, I know that this brought peace to many families that lost someone on 9/11 and the families that lost a loved one fighting since that day. I am happy for them. The more i think about what and how to say all that I want to, I don't know there is way that others will understand. I;m just worried is all. I feel like were still not at the end, just in the middle at this time. The danger of this scares me right now.
Topic 2. OH MAN I want this deployment to be done..... only like forever left. I can't wait till like the half way point at least. I don't think I will be happy till R&R is over. I know that saying good-bye again is going to be so hard and more so for the kids. I hate to have to send him off again. I also want it to be known that at the same time, though this may sound bad, I do not mean it that way, but I want to soak up this deployment. I know that sounds just dumb. AND now your like WTF is she talking about. It's apparent that I miss my soldier and that I want him home, but since I know that day is not coming anytime soon, I want to learn and grow as much as I can before he comes home. Most of all, I know that when he comes home many of us will have to leave this post and move on with lives back home or somewhere else in the military. We can't stay here forever. I was happy to come to this post and meet new people. As I learned the ropes of an Army Wife, I saw all these many wonderful things. Deep down I know that all things must come to an end, but I just don't think about that as much as all the good things. I'm just not at all ready to even think about good-bye. No matter where we go in our military career, or even if we get out, this will always be my real army family. There is no other group like this one, and I know that already. These will be the group that I always miss. The one I will think about 30 years from now when I think about my Army life and the people I met. The ones I WILL never forget. So I hope that we all can get out and have as much fun as possible till all the guys are home safe.
The 3rd topic:
Is not really a topic as it is a lesson. SO, You know when someone is going through a rough time, and you feel all these things for those people. You want to reach out and help them in any way that you can? Oh come on I know you all reading this are not cold hearted people, you know what I mean. You hurt for them, and you wonder what might just put a smile on their face even for a second. So then you think about something even small that you can do for those people, but then you decide not to because you think it's dumb, or that they won't care, or that it may hurt them more than make them better..... I've been there as well. More than one time. Most that know me though know that I have to help, that's who I am. Well, this one time, (I won't get into the exact detail) I knew a family that lost a loved one. Someone that I also knew pretty well. When I was thinking about what I could do I wrote them a letter. I cant even tell you now what that letter even said. I just knew it explained how I knew the one they lost and what that person meant to me. I never heard anything back. I kind of forgot about the letter until tonight. Until a family member found me and thanked me for it and asked me to keep in touch. She let me know what it all meant to her family. THAT was like the highlight of my day. (and that's saying a lot since I finally got my tabs and plates from Minnesota and can now drive the truck I am paying for LOL) Seriously though, I am proud of what I did that day like 8 years ago. From now on when I want to do something nice or helpful for someone, I am no longer going to second guess myself. I really hope this is a lesson for all of you as well. Even the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. I've made a small mark on this family for 8 whole years. Over the smallest gesture, that at the time I though was nothing. With that said, I am happy for the things I did that day, I am estatic that I mailed that letter and I am grateful that even though it was hard, it was in a way helpful....
I also learned something else today. I will never neglect my blog this long again. Because this is just too much in one blog LOL. So I'll be back soon... yeah that's right people HIDE
Though I will say I have a few things that I wanna say tonight. Topic 1. this whole Osama thing. Yeah, you all knew it was coming didn't you. Well the first thing I think about it is that it finally got all the attention of Will and Kate LOL. I know it was a happy time and every girl wants to be a princess, but that was an overload. The sad part is OSAMA took that attention away from them. I want to first say that I am proud to be an American. I know that I am safe here and I sleep in peace knowing this. I am SOOOO proud of the men that were able to pull off this operation. Though his death is a great thing, why do I feel like people are forgetting what else can happen at this time. I feel like people forget there are so many men and woman still in their country at this time. If we just pissed off the wrong people then they may try something else to all the wonderful Americans they have access to. I know there is no perfect ending to this whole thing. I just don't feel much like it's time to celebrate just yet. NO I'm not a selfish person, I know that this brought peace to many families that lost someone on 9/11 and the families that lost a loved one fighting since that day. I am happy for them. The more i think about what and how to say all that I want to, I don't know there is way that others will understand. I;m just worried is all. I feel like were still not at the end, just in the middle at this time. The danger of this scares me right now.
Topic 2. OH MAN I want this deployment to be done..... only like forever left. I can't wait till like the half way point at least. I don't think I will be happy till R&R is over. I know that saying good-bye again is going to be so hard and more so for the kids. I hate to have to send him off again. I also want it to be known that at the same time, though this may sound bad, I do not mean it that way, but I want to soak up this deployment. I know that sounds just dumb. AND now your like WTF is she talking about. It's apparent that I miss my soldier and that I want him home, but since I know that day is not coming anytime soon, I want to learn and grow as much as I can before he comes home. Most of all, I know that when he comes home many of us will have to leave this post and move on with lives back home or somewhere else in the military. We can't stay here forever. I was happy to come to this post and meet new people. As I learned the ropes of an Army Wife, I saw all these many wonderful things. Deep down I know that all things must come to an end, but I just don't think about that as much as all the good things. I'm just not at all ready to even think about good-bye. No matter where we go in our military career, or even if we get out, this will always be my real army family. There is no other group like this one, and I know that already. These will be the group that I always miss. The one I will think about 30 years from now when I think about my Army life and the people I met. The ones I WILL never forget. So I hope that we all can get out and have as much fun as possible till all the guys are home safe.
The 3rd topic:
Is not really a topic as it is a lesson. SO, You know when someone is going through a rough time, and you feel all these things for those people. You want to reach out and help them in any way that you can? Oh come on I know you all reading this are not cold hearted people, you know what I mean. You hurt for them, and you wonder what might just put a smile on their face even for a second. So then you think about something even small that you can do for those people, but then you decide not to because you think it's dumb, or that they won't care, or that it may hurt them more than make them better..... I've been there as well. More than one time. Most that know me though know that I have to help, that's who I am. Well, this one time, (I won't get into the exact detail) I knew a family that lost a loved one. Someone that I also knew pretty well. When I was thinking about what I could do I wrote them a letter. I cant even tell you now what that letter even said. I just knew it explained how I knew the one they lost and what that person meant to me. I never heard anything back. I kind of forgot about the letter until tonight. Until a family member found me and thanked me for it and asked me to keep in touch. She let me know what it all meant to her family. THAT was like the highlight of my day. (and that's saying a lot since I finally got my tabs and plates from Minnesota and can now drive the truck I am paying for LOL) Seriously though, I am proud of what I did that day like 8 years ago. From now on when I want to do something nice or helpful for someone, I am no longer going to second guess myself. I really hope this is a lesson for all of you as well. Even the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. I've made a small mark on this family for 8 whole years. Over the smallest gesture, that at the time I though was nothing. With that said, I am happy for the things I did that day, I am estatic that I mailed that letter and I am grateful that even though it was hard, it was in a way helpful....
I also learned something else today. I will never neglect my blog this long again. Because this is just too much in one blog LOL. So I'll be back soon... yeah that's right people HIDE
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