Friday, January 10, 2014

It aint that easy!!!!

     So, I said there was a reason that I didn't make resolutions.  It is way to hard to keep up with them.  Turns out the same thing is true about goals.  This has been a lot harder then I thought it would ever be.  The hardest thing that I have come across so far is that, it's really actually hard to not let others have any effects on my day to day mood and feelings.  Seems like people really don't care when they let other people down.  I know that I am by no means a perfect wife, mother, friend, or family member.  I can tell you that when I say I am going to do something, I do everything that I can to keep up with that.  Ya, it gets hard sometimes, and sometimes it would be easier to let other people down and be a  little more selfish at times.  My biggest question is why the hell do others feel the need to be so selfish. 
    It really hard to tell who in this world and who in your life is real, and who is not.  I have to keep trying as this is a goal of mine.  It will make everything in my life a whole lot easier.  I just need to know the secret on how you start living for yourself and not for other people. This is going to be a tough road. 
    I am happy to say that, I happen to find a short term fix to the issue.  Keep busy.  The more busy that you are the less you have time to sit and think about all the things that may be wrong in your life.  I happen to get a nice new novel for Christmas, and took some time to finally read that.  If you know me, you know the whole thing only took me about 2 days to get through even with the day to day things a mom and wife has to do.  It did however keep me pretty distracted from all the other things that flow through my mind all the time. 
    I read the book "homefront"  It actually took me a couple chapters to get into, but once I was into it, there was no going back.  All it took was for me to realize, how much I could relate to the story.  Here is my idea of a description of the story.
   A women who has a really shitty childhood, and needs to find her place in the world.  When she is old enough she joins the army as a blackhawk pilot.  Then she meets a man that she falls in love with and starts a family.  She stops going active duty and goes into the reserves so that her husband can keep with the law firm and she can have time with her family.  Her best friend that she meets in flight school, moves in next door and they are all happy as clams.  Until the nation calls on them to go to war in Afghanistan.  Her marriage has been rocky for a little while, but her husband finally tells her the day before she gets the call, that he doesn't love her anymore. 
    She ends up going with her best friend to war, and somewhere along the way, she was doing her job, and her blackhawk was hit, and went down.  She looses a  leg, her friend dies, and she refuses to take help from anyone.  She goes from mrs optimist to mrs not give a shit real fast. 
    However in the end, she ends up giving it her all, and eventually overcomes a lot of things, and even makes her marriage a much better one in the end.  The whole story is full of a  lot of lesson, and the reality that life can change in the blink of an eye.  To watch what you say to people, and hold those that you love dear to you.  Even when you are having a hard time in life, remember that others too are struggling.  IF you keep all those things bottled inside, you start to loose sight of the reality of things.  I do that often.  This is a real reality for those of use Military spouses.  Each day is a new day, and it should be treated as such. 
     It also got me thinking about some news that I happen to hear on the internet just a couple days ago.  5 Soldiers from our last duty station (Fort Riley) were killed in a crash.  Another one was killed while fishing in a lake that we used to go play at and have BBQ at all the time.  Another was killed one day on post, at work in the Motor pool because he was hit by a vehicle.  Not all that long ago, there was a soldier down the street from us, that committed suicide.  It makes you see that not only do bad things happen to those in combat.  It can happen, anytime and any place.  It shouldn't take events like this for everyone to see how precious life can be, and how fast it can change in the blink of an eye.  
     Soldiers deal with a lot of things while they are deployed.  They hear things and see things that no one should ever have to hear.  Some of these soldiers are no more then 18 years old.  Have not even lived a life yet, and they are having to see the real of the war.  And not a single one of them come back the same. EVER.  Some worse then others.  As much as they struggle, and though their struggles may be more severe as well as the effects they have to deal with for the rest of their lives, each and every person deals with their own war. 
    Treat everyone like their hearts are made of glass.   Be honest, and be true, but watch what you say and how it effects the people around you.  Remember that the things that you say to someone, may be the last time that you are able to say anything to them at all.  Make it matter.  You are not so perfect that you can not give someone the time of day that they ask for or appear to need.  You are never ever to busy to help someone out. 
   Why some people wanna eventually be remembered by their selfishness and unwillingness to help others and show people the respect that they deserve is beyond me. 
    For the rest of the day, I am going to try and over come this "don't depend on others to change your mood"  and ill let yall know if I happen to find the secret.  Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen this woman is on a mission! (If you happen to turn blue in the process, stop holding your breath...you WILL pass out)
DISCLAIMER**** I am not responsible for any idiot that happens to listen to me and ends up passing out.!

This is not all that easy

     So, I said there was a reason that I didn't make resolutions.  It is way to hard to keep up with them.  Turns out the same thing is true about goals.  This has been a lot harder then I thought it would ever be.  The hardest thing that I have come across so far is that, it's really actually hard to not let others have any effects on my day to day mood and feelings.  Seems like people really don't care when they let other people down.  I know that I am by no means a perfect wife, mother, friend, or family member.  I can tell you that when I say I am going to do something, I do everything that I can to keep up with that.  Ya, it gets hard sometimes, and sometimes it would be easier to let other people down and be a  little more selfish at times.  My biggest question is why the hell do others feel the need to be so selfish. 
    It really hard to tell who in this world and who in your life is real, and who is not.  I have to keep trying as this is a goal of mine.  It will make everything in my life a whole lot easier.  I just need to know the secret on how you start living for yourself and not for other people. This is going to be a tough road. 
    I am happy to say that, I happen to find a short term fix to the issue.  Keep busy.  The more busy that you are the less you have time to sit and think about all the things that may be wrong in your life.  I happen to get a nice new novel for Christmas, and took some time to finally read that.  If you know me, you know the whole thing only took me about 2 days to get through even with the day to day things a mom and wife has to do.  It did however keep me pretty distracted from all the other things that flow through my mind all the time. 
    I read the book "homefront"  It actually took me a couple chapters to get into, but once I was into it, there was no going back.  All it took was for me to realize, how much I could relate to the story.  Here is my idea of a description of the story.
   A women who has a really shitty childhood, and needs to find her place in the world.  When she is old enough she joins the army as a blackhawk pilot.  Then she meets a man that she falls in love with and starts a family.  She stops going active duty and goes into the reserves so that her husband can keep with the law firm and she can have time with her family.  Her best friend that she meets in flight school, moves in next door and they are all happy as clams.  Until the nation calls on them to go to war in Afghanistan.  Her marriage has been rocky for a little while, but her husband finally tells her the day before she gets the call, that he doesn't love her anymore. 
    She ends up going with her best friend to war, and somewhere along the way, she was doing her job, and her blackhawk was hit, and went down.  She looses a  leg, her friend dies, and she refuses to take help from anyone.  She goes from mrs optimist to mrs not give a shit real fast. 
    However in the end, she ends up giving it her all, and eventually overcomes a lot of things, and even makes her marriage a much better one in the end.  The whole story is full of a  lot of lesson, and the reality that life can change in the blink of an eye.  To watch what you say to people, and hold those that you love dear to you.  Even when you are having a hard time in life, remember that others too are struggling.  IF you keep all those things bottled inside, you start to loose sight of the reality of things.  I do that often.  This is a real reality for those of use Military spouses.  Each day is a new day, and it should be treated as such. 
     It also got me thinking about some news that I happen to hear on the internet just a couple days ago.  5 Soldiers from our last duty station (Fort Riley) were killed in a crash.  Another one was killed while fishing in a lake that we used to go play at and have BBQ at all the time.  Another was killed one day on post, at work in the Motor pool because he was hit by a vehicle.  Not all that long ago, there was a soldier down the street from us, that committed suicide.  It makes you see that not only do bad things happen to those in combat.  It can happen, anytime and any place.  It shouldn't take events like this for everyone to see how precious life can be, and how fast it can change in the blink of an eye.  
     Soldiers deal with a lot of things while they are deployed.  They hear things and see things that no one should ever have to hear.  Some of these soldiers are no more then 18 years old.  Have not even lived a life yet, and they are having to see the real of the war.  And not a single one of them come back the same. EVER.  Some worse then others.  As much as they struggle, and though their struggles may be more severe as well as the effects they have to deal with for the rest of their lives, each and every person deals with their own war. 
    Treat everyone like their hearts are made of glass.   Be honest, and be true, but watch what you say and how it effects the people around you.  Remember that the things that you say to someone, may be the last time that you are able to say anything to them at all.  Make it matter.  You are not so perfect that you can not give someone the time of day that they ask for or appear to need.  You are never ever to busy to help someone out. 
   Why some people wanna eventually be remembered by their selfishness and unwillingness to help others and show people the respect that they deserve is beyond me. 
    For the rest of the day, I am going to try and over come this "don't depend on others to change your mood"  and ill let yall know if I happen to find the secret.  Hold your breath ladies and gentlemen this woman is on a mission! (If you happen to turn blue in the process, stop holding your breath...you WILL pass out)
DISCLAIMER**** I am not responsible for any idiot that happens to listen to me and ends up passing out.!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Holidays are OVER!!!!

   Can you sense the excitement?  Don't get me wrong, I like the holiday season.  The things I like the most are the lights.  Decorating to the music, letting the kids make holiday decorations, and the food.Of course the food. Christmas ham...... OMG I wait all year for that tasty goodness in my mouth.  I would be lying if I said, it really felt like Christmas this year.  In Kansas, being able to travel home, we had Christmas, and it felt like such.  This year we could literally suntan on Christmas day.  They boys loved it regardless, and that's all that matters.  I can't help but feel a little like they are missing out not being able to be with their whole family and learning all those traditions that my husband and I have learned along the way.  We started a lot of our own that they will grow up with, but I still feel like they are missing out on all the closeness that the holidays brought me as a child.
   As for a new year, well it is what it is.  We had a party here and brought in the new year with lots of confetti, noise makers, photo booth material, music and friends.  It was a good new years.  For the last week, my kids have been asking me if we can have that celebration again.  NO.   For the love of god I am only allowing confetti blowers in my living room once a year.  I am still cleaning it up!!!  Which is fine as long as we all had fun! 
     As for a resolution, well I am not much for that either.   Not that I think I am perfect and have nothing that I need to work on.  I know that I am pretty close to perfect, but..... who am I kidding!  I have a lot of things that I know I can improve for the new year, to make for a better life for me and my family.  Truth is, resolutions never frickin work.  How many people make those dang things and by the end of the week, there like, screw it, I made it through the last years not doing this, why start now, ill start next year.  Because the truth in it all, is that we live in a place, where being lazy is an option. In fact if you are really good at it, the government will help you people who wanna be lazy.  I have been guilty of it too.  You wanna know how many days I have accomplished nothing in the day and been just fine with it?  I don't wanna know either, because it's probably a lot and I don't want to be all feeling guilty later when I know the answer.  I don't need to loose weight, because well, I am 26 and 5 foot 2 weighing in at a whole 120 pounds.  It probably wouldn't kill me to gain some muscle, but who am I kidding, I am far to lazy to commit to that.  Hey, at least I can admit it.  I don't need to eat less sweets, because I really don't like them much anyways.  What I could use is some goals.
     Ya thats right, a goal.  I mean let's face it, I ain't getting any younger.  Though at one time I thought that might happen, I keep waking up a day older then the day before.  SO I am ready to face the fact that that is not going to happen anytime soon.  So I started with a few goals:
   1. Be a better parent to my kids.  Taking a step back when I am angry and realizing that these are my kids, and the future generation of this world.  They are young and learning.  They don't know what I know.  They don't know that calling out a person who is different in the middle of the store is wrong.  They have to be taught.  The only thing they learn when I get angry about it, is how to get mad.  There taking nothing away from it.  Spilling something on the floor because you were not paying attention, is not means to get in trouble.  People make mistakes, and they are going to make a lot of them along the way.  The thing they need to learn is that it's ok, and it is not a big deal.  It can be cleaned up, next time just try and pay attention.  They need to know what they are worth something.  In todays world people are so worried about people liking them, being in style, having the money to be normal, little girls starving themselves to be like the chicks in the magazine.  What these kids need to learn is to be who they are.  As long as you have a good heart, nothing else matters.  If your intentions are in the right place, your golden.  Never judge a book by it;s cover, it may end up surprising you.  Be true to you and never let someone make you feel less then you are worth.  I know that sounds cliche, but it is the truth.
2. Practice what you preach.  Ya so all those things I just said I was going to teach my kids, I need to learn to practice.  That's the only way that they are going to learn them really. 
3.  Don't let others control your feelings and emotions.  OMG is that a tough one or what???  I can not tell you how many nights I spent wide awake, yet tired as can be, because of someones action or words.  Doesn't matter if it was 10 years ago or 10 Minutes ago.  Ill think about it.  I don't want to, it just happens.  I have come to the conclusion that that may be happening because of unresolved issues within myself.   Things I just let go and never delt with.  Things I should have said or did.  It's really easy for me to sit here and write about anything that I want to, but when it comes to telling someone how I really to their face, then I have a tough time.  I usually walk away with the situation playing in my head and thinking about what I should have done different.  If I write it all down sometimes it helps, and I don't think about it as much, because I feel like I let out the things that I needed to let out.  But then lo and behold a little while down the road it eats at me again. 
4. Keep your heart, only where it is appreciated.  I put a lot into friendships and really any relationship.  Its not exactly a weakness, it's a good thing sometimes, but it allows me to be hurt.  It puts others in a position to again control how I feel and think.  I do a lot of things, not expecting anything in return.  Though I still don't expect anything in return, I can only keep up with those relationships that appreciate having me.  The realize that I am not perfect, and I too make mistakes, but I am who I am and if you can't appreciate that then step the hell away.  I also need to learn to tell those assholes to go the hell away from me and stop dragging me down. 
Bottom line, is this year is about finding strength when I need it the most, and the courage to say exactly what I mean without holding back and being scared of a fight.  Those who care enough will stick by and those who don't I shouldn't have an issue letting go of.  Easier said then done.  At least I know it's going to be tough though right?  Maybe that will help. 
Anyways, I hope you all had a great new years, and weather you make resolutions, goals, or genuinely don't care what happens this year... CHEERS to you and hoping that you get what you need within the year!