Dear Blog spot: ITS BEEN FOREVER. I know, I know, it's not your fault. Just know that it's not you it's me. Really I don't know what the hell is wrong lately. Seems like everything is changing. Aside from that though I send my sincere and total apology.
If you follow me on FB you know most of what is going on. You know that Colton and I have been struggling for like a year to try and get him tubes. It's been a rough, long VERY frustrating road, BUT he is getting tubes on the 28th. I am so happy. After like 12 failed hearing tests he finally failed with the Ear, Nose & Throat DR. So we have to set him up a pre op appointment to get all his vitals checked and what not, and then we will get a time as to when he can go in on the 28th. the process is really fast I hear, and so of course that makes me happy. I don't like the sound of the whole thing, but I know that in the end it is going to make it better for him, and easier for me. So it shall be done.
As far as I go, it's such a long story! I know thats what this is for... so that I can write out the details, but I can say that I am being treated for lymes disease, but they think there is something more to it than that. So I got a referral to a rhumetoligist. I have to find one that I can get into faster than January though. The sooner the better. As all you mamma's know though, your kids come first no matter what. So with all Colton's appointments, it's hard to get myself in there. I'm getting there and I can not wait to be done with this whole thing. I don't like it. I can say that you learn eventually to deal with the pain though. Lots of heat blankets, warm baths, and either really early nights or really late.
Dallas had his first Parent teacher conference today. I have to say that he did well. He has some areas that he needs to work on. For instance, she mentioned to me that before they come in from outside he can tell you that he needs to line up, go in, wash his hands, and sit on the rug. Often though he chooses to just line up and go in. He knows what he needs to do, adn she said he is not the only child that does this. It's not that he doesn't know. Also, he needs some assistance holding his pencil. She gave me a special pencil grip to help him learn where his fingers should be on the pencil. She also mentioned this is not something that he is the only one struggling with. The last thing that she mentioned was that he sometimes gets distracted. Like if they are on the rug and another child decides to leave he often will too and looses lab time for evey 5 minutes he is not on the rug. These are all things that she told me others need to work on and it's still pretty early in the year yet. He did well, and so as promised, he was treated with IHOP. He loves that place, and as we sat there, he told me.... "make it an IHOP day MOM!" LOL what a silly boy I have on my hands that's for sure.
As for everything else, I am not even going to get into it really, because I don't think that it is anyone else's concern at this time. I do however want to say how I feel today. Because I feel like i need to say something, and I'm not so great at face to face things. I feel bad hurting someone else's feeling no matter how they hurt me. I also, don't wanna start anything or call anyone out. There is more than one person and I just need to spit it out somewhere before I go more nutty than I may already be. I feel so irritated. I don't know that I can pinpoint just one issue that makes me feel this way. Yeah we all know that I am female. So I guess does there doesn't even need to be a reason for me to feel this way LOL.
First I am really tired of being the nice one. The doormat or what have you. I am not that in anyways shape or form. Maybe I ask for it. Most people know that I am pretty nice to most. I would go outta my way for many many people. That's just me. Maybe that was a genetic thing, maybe it was taught to me, or maybe it happened because I came from such a small town, and that's how we do there. It is safe to say back home, that if you drink to much and need a ride, decide to go through the biggest mud hole, smallest trail, or run outta gas.... there are about 30 people you can call that would come help you. That's how it works there. Which I guess I just happen to think that is how all people seem to be. WRONG. It is safe for me to say, that if I have never caught you lying to me in the past, I will always give you the benifit of the doubt, no matter what. It would also be safe to say that no what time of day, what I have planned, if you have never burned me before I will try my best to be there for you no matter what it is you need.
I just feel lately that i am being burned no matter where the hell I go and no matter who i tell soemthing too. I am really tired of people saying that they care, that they are there for me, that I am such a wonderful person, and then have actions that show other wise. I have found that there are about 3 people that I can trust, confide in, and know that they are as greatful for me in their lives as I am for them. Aside from that, they have actions that prove it. STOP faking it people. No one cares if you make mistakes, but no one appreciates when you lie about it. No one would judge you if you said, well I feel like this and like that about this situation.... than do it. Own it and DON"T FUCKING LIE TO ME. I know that I am probably more sensitive than most, because I care a lot more than I probably should for most. If I could care less it would be less irritating and hurt less too. This is me and that's not going to change.
ALL IN ALL.... You can say that you are sorry a million times, say I love you as much as you want, say whatever you want, whenever you want. but if your not going to prove that the things that you say are true, then don't say anything at all. Because if you cannot show it, your words mean nothing. Some people tell you shit to make you feel better and look at them like they are great people. You know what though, save the troubles, and retract from saying anything that you think that I want to hear. Only what you actually mean. Because to be honest saying what you think I wanna hear hurts more than not hearing what I wanted to hear.
Plus side... Packers play the vikings soon..... GO PACKERS!!!!!
