Monday, January 6, 2014

Holidays are OVER!!!!

   Can you sense the excitement?  Don't get me wrong, I like the holiday season.  The things I like the most are the lights.  Decorating to the music, letting the kids make holiday decorations, and the food.Of course the food. Christmas ham...... OMG I wait all year for that tasty goodness in my mouth.  I would be lying if I said, it really felt like Christmas this year.  In Kansas, being able to travel home, we had Christmas, and it felt like such.  This year we could literally suntan on Christmas day.  They boys loved it regardless, and that's all that matters.  I can't help but feel a little like they are missing out not being able to be with their whole family and learning all those traditions that my husband and I have learned along the way.  We started a lot of our own that they will grow up with, but I still feel like they are missing out on all the closeness that the holidays brought me as a child.
   As for a new year, well it is what it is.  We had a party here and brought in the new year with lots of confetti, noise makers, photo booth material, music and friends.  It was a good new years.  For the last week, my kids have been asking me if we can have that celebration again.  NO.   For the love of god I am only allowing confetti blowers in my living room once a year.  I am still cleaning it up!!!  Which is fine as long as we all had fun! 
     As for a resolution, well I am not much for that either.   Not that I think I am perfect and have nothing that I need to work on.  I know that I am pretty close to perfect, but..... who am I kidding!  I have a lot of things that I know I can improve for the new year, to make for a better life for me and my family.  Truth is, resolutions never frickin work.  How many people make those dang things and by the end of the week, there like, screw it, I made it through the last years not doing this, why start now, ill start next year.  Because the truth in it all, is that we live in a place, where being lazy is an option. In fact if you are really good at it, the government will help you people who wanna be lazy.  I have been guilty of it too.  You wanna know how many days I have accomplished nothing in the day and been just fine with it?  I don't wanna know either, because it's probably a lot and I don't want to be all feeling guilty later when I know the answer.  I don't need to loose weight, because well, I am 26 and 5 foot 2 weighing in at a whole 120 pounds.  It probably wouldn't kill me to gain some muscle, but who am I kidding, I am far to lazy to commit to that.  Hey, at least I can admit it.  I don't need to eat less sweets, because I really don't like them much anyways.  What I could use is some goals.
     Ya thats right, a goal.  I mean let's face it, I ain't getting any younger.  Though at one time I thought that might happen, I keep waking up a day older then the day before.  SO I am ready to face the fact that that is not going to happen anytime soon.  So I started with a few goals:
   1. Be a better parent to my kids.  Taking a step back when I am angry and realizing that these are my kids, and the future generation of this world.  They are young and learning.  They don't know what I know.  They don't know that calling out a person who is different in the middle of the store is wrong.  They have to be taught.  The only thing they learn when I get angry about it, is how to get mad.  There taking nothing away from it.  Spilling something on the floor because you were not paying attention, is not means to get in trouble.  People make mistakes, and they are going to make a lot of them along the way.  The thing they need to learn is that it's ok, and it is not a big deal.  It can be cleaned up, next time just try and pay attention.  They need to know what they are worth something.  In todays world people are so worried about people liking them, being in style, having the money to be normal, little girls starving themselves to be like the chicks in the magazine.  What these kids need to learn is to be who they are.  As long as you have a good heart, nothing else matters.  If your intentions are in the right place, your golden.  Never judge a book by it;s cover, it may end up surprising you.  Be true to you and never let someone make you feel less then you are worth.  I know that sounds cliche, but it is the truth.
2. Practice what you preach.  Ya so all those things I just said I was going to teach my kids, I need to learn to practice.  That's the only way that they are going to learn them really. 
3.  Don't let others control your feelings and emotions.  OMG is that a tough one or what???  I can not tell you how many nights I spent wide awake, yet tired as can be, because of someones action or words.  Doesn't matter if it was 10 years ago or 10 Minutes ago.  Ill think about it.  I don't want to, it just happens.  I have come to the conclusion that that may be happening because of unresolved issues within myself.   Things I just let go and never delt with.  Things I should have said or did.  It's really easy for me to sit here and write about anything that I want to, but when it comes to telling someone how I really to their face, then I have a tough time.  I usually walk away with the situation playing in my head and thinking about what I should have done different.  If I write it all down sometimes it helps, and I don't think about it as much, because I feel like I let out the things that I needed to let out.  But then lo and behold a little while down the road it eats at me again. 
4. Keep your heart, only where it is appreciated.  I put a lot into friendships and really any relationship.  Its not exactly a weakness, it's a good thing sometimes, but it allows me to be hurt.  It puts others in a position to again control how I feel and think.  I do a lot of things, not expecting anything in return.  Though I still don't expect anything in return, I can only keep up with those relationships that appreciate having me.  The realize that I am not perfect, and I too make mistakes, but I am who I am and if you can't appreciate that then step the hell away.  I also need to learn to tell those assholes to go the hell away from me and stop dragging me down. 
Bottom line, is this year is about finding strength when I need it the most, and the courage to say exactly what I mean without holding back and being scared of a fight.  Those who care enough will stick by and those who don't I shouldn't have an issue letting go of.  Easier said then done.  At least I know it's going to be tough though right?  Maybe that will help. 
Anyways, I hope you all had a great new years, and weather you make resolutions, goals, or genuinely don't care what happens this year... CHEERS to you and hoping that you get what you need within the year!

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