I'm....... P-R-O-U-D!

           I seem to put a lot of people before myself... their feelings, needs...etc.... It doesn't bother me, because when I know that I have made someone smile, I smile with satisfaction.  That is all that I need, and that's just who I am.  Telling people no is my weakness.  If I was a superhero that would be the death of me.  I don't like doing it, and more times than not, I can't.  It ends up hurting me more than anything but I move on quickly because of all the experience.  I spend less time on me than anyone..... I try to say that I am going to do something to better me, and it lasts a very short time.  That's just who I am and I am alright with that.. After all no one can be me....better than myself :)
            It took a few WONDERFUL people to show me that there are things that I need to do for me... starting with my GED.... I have been putting it off forever (like 6 years)  All it took was a couple people that returned the favor and cared enough to help and push me to do it.  Those are people I will always be in debt to, and people that I will always have close to me :)
           In the last couple weeks, in the mist of doing the daily things (laundry, cleaning, kids etc...) I thought about all the things I might be able to do, if I learned self discipline.  I first had to learn that it was not always about the other people that believe in me, but that first I had to believe in myself.  So for about two weeks that is what I have been doing. 
           I did it without really thinking about all that I have accomplished.... But then I was sitting here the other night and was a little shocked at myself.  So here is the list of things that I did, things I don't do on a daily basis

~Started a routine to remember all my medication ALL THE TIME (it's not really that helpful when you are always forgetting a dose or two!)
~I started tracking my diet and eating better... (still have a little work to do one this one...so for now it's a work in progress)
~Started working out EVERYDAY sometimes 2x a day.  This is something that has been constant!
~ I cut HUGELY back on my coffee and soda daily intake.  What I used to drink in a day, I now drink in about a week.  I never drank water, and now it's bottle after bottle!
~I have accomplished night and day 2 of NO SIPPY CUPS for the kids. (this is actually for me as well.  No more waking up in the middle of the night to fill them..I finally sleep through the WHOLE night.  First time since I had Colton.  Plus they are a pain in the day too.)
~ Started to potty train Colton (NO MORE DIAPERS for me pretty soon!!!)
~I enrolled in College and start at a Business School on the 29th!!!!
~ Took a "me" day with a girlfriend in Topeka....and had a blast and not a care in the world :) A-MAZING!!!!

       Maybe none of this seems like much.  I just feel like I have done more for me in 2 weeks than I have in like 4 years.  It was a good feeling...a little guilty at times, but GOOD to do me for a little while.  As I reflected back on all this, I smiled.... and said WOW, i am proud of it all!!! I have to say with all honesty that I have never actually said that to myself or felt the way that I did at that moment. 
      In the end, do you for a change.  Making other people happy is a fantastic thing, but when you can look back and be proud of you, it's bittersweet! In a few years, I probably won't remember it, but it is really a HUGE boost of confidence.  The fact that I am not scared anymore of what an outcome might be or where a road might lead.  I know that no matter what I can smile and overcome... Even if it takes a little boost from other people.  I really do hope that those that have helped so much know how awesome it was to have them there for me, and how much it impacted so much more!!!!


I DARE you to do something that you have been scared to do... it might change more than you think !