2011...... I already hate you!

Confused, frustrated, sad, feeling unorganized and running out of time QUICKLY! Those are just a few of the things I am feeling.
He said he was deploying in Jan. But it never really crossed me as to how fast Jan. was going to be here. I feel like it came the next day! Now we are down to a week give or take. These are times I want to stop the clock. On top of that, he is not even HOME. They had him working 12-16 hours days before Christmas, and now working normal days. Although I am grateful that he had 14 days of Christmas leave, it really doesn't feel like it.
It doesn't scare me to think that he is not going to be here to do household things, or to help with the kids. It scares me that I know the kids will ask where he is. I have explained it to Dallas, but he just says OK. I know he does not really understand what is about to happen. I know that I can make it a year without him. The problem is that I do not want to! No one should have to do without their spouse for 12 months. It does scare me that I will have no clue what he is going through over there or even where he is or what he is doing. It scares me that he will not be here for the boys birthdays or Christmas. I think it will be really hard to celebrate something when the one you love is not there.
Looking back on to last year, I never thought twice about it being the last birthday, Valentines day, Halloween, etc for awhile.
Now being an army wife, It is something that you always just tuck into the back of your mind. You put it away for later when you need to use it, but until then he is here. Its not really something that someone wants to think about. I am not sure that there is even anything that a wife could do to be fully PREPARED for something like this.
I will struggle, I will be sad, I will be hurt, and lost at times...but i know that i can do this. To make sure that I do, I need some goals and things to keep me busy.

Here they are.
1. I will get more organized. Papers, clothes, toys etc!!!!
2. I will Finnish High school online and study hard.
3. I will learn to sew more complex things.
4. I will keep the kids busy and keep them learning.
5. I will start to eat a little better and make sure the kids do the same.
6. I will work out

7. I will not let this take me down... I will keep going.
8. I will not sit around and do nothing for 12 months
9. I will not... no matter what happens LIKE 2011.
10. And I will not promise that I am not going to sit in the middle of my living room and cry some nights!

11. I will miss him like crazy!
12. I will let the boys listen to their recordable books EVERY NIGHT
These things should keep me going a little and to know that if i work really hard I can get theses things done while he is gone. By doing these things, I know that I will feel like a well accomplished person by the time he comes home!!!