You know when you feel like you have gotten to the end of the line, and that everything is working against you? I feel like that for sure. I can't say through-out this deployment that I have yet felt this way. There have been many days and sometimes weeks where i have to ask myself what the hell is going on. Nothing compared to how I am feeling now.
Let me start at the beginning. A long long time ago when I was still in school, I played volleyball awhile. Well in doing so, I hurt my knees pretty bad. They told me all the time that I had Tendinitis. So of course I went with it. They gave me nothing for it, and it really didnt bother me all the time so it wasn't a big deal. Around the same time, they would ALWAYS tell me the second the doctor walked into the room, that I had an enlarged Thyroid. They never told me what it ment or what to do about it till I was pregnant with the second child and I started to deal with a private practice doctor. She reffered me an hour away to see a specialist. However, they wouldn't do anything because I was pregnant. So they just monitored it a lot. After I had Colton, we moved here and I knew I couldnt go straight to a specialist, I would have to start the process all over. So I never did get that far.
Now days my knees are always hurting! Up until the last couple weeks. All of a sudden it seems like it spread all over. Its hard to really explain. I just hurt everywhere almost like my muscles are all bruised though I have done nothing to make them feel that way. Aside from that there are spots where they hurt the most. Like the back of my neck, lower back, knees, and feet. NOW everything is popping! I sound like a bowl of rice crispies when i do anything. This never happened. So I went to see the doctor yesterday and he said he is certain that it is Fibromyalgia. However there is a chance that it could be linked to my thyroid. So this morning I had to go in and let them take all my blood. On the 17th I can go back in and talk to the dr about the results. Obviously there is something wrong.
Yesterday morning his speech lady was suppose to come and check his ears. She was a no show. So of course I was mad from the start. Then, before my appointment in the evening, I had some errands to run while Dallas was in school. So Colton and I went about it. It started out ok for the first 5 minutes. Then I could smell there was a diaper change in my future. I was too far from home to go and change him, and he was to smelly to take into any place. SO there I was in the parking lot of the shopping center. All doors closed, while Colton and I are changing this nasty thing in the back. Finally rid the truck and Colton of that nasty thing. We get to where I need to be, and we are about to go inside when suddenly he falls. Not just a fall as one would suspect. I mean a fall like no other because thats how we roll! He seemed ok from the looks of him till he opened his mouth. A mouth full of blood. I had nothing. He cried and spit blood for like 10 minutes. Finally when he stopped I looked and he had bit his tongue. Not like nipped it and was hurt, because again thats just not how this family seems to go about things. No, this was like whole front tooth in the tongue. I took him back to the truck and cleaned him up the best that I could. No change of clothes just some wet wipes. So he stopped bleeding and crying, but still had blood all over his shirt. I had to take him anyways into dave's work to pick up some things.
So, now you think its all over and all is well. YOUR SO WRONG. I went to get Dallas and he got a cut on his elbow at school. Then I had the kids at a friends house while I went to my appointment. When I got back the kids were playing a little. He got smacked in the head with a metal gate. Nice big egg to add to all the other issues. So then we finally make it home and we all go to sleep FINALLY! Of course, it doesn't end there though.
This morning I did like the Doctor told me. Do not eat or drink anything in the morning, come right in and go to the lab to get your bloodwork done. So no coffee, which is already a fail, and 2 kids in tote, i get to the lab about 8:30. When I get there she tells me there is no reason that I couldn't eat or drink anything, this was not that kind of test. So I was mad about that right away this morning, but I got over it. I knew I had to wait for the results of the test anyways and it was over and done with anyways. So why be mad? The Coltons therapist decides she finally has time and actually wants to show up. She went to his daycare while he was there and checked his ears. In which he failed MISERABLY once again. Due to fluid in the ears, he can not hear well again. His ears both left and right were pretty much flat lined when they should be pretty high.
I don't know where this will put us again, buts it's been more than a month since his last ear infection and he still had fluid. So I am hoping that I can call the Eyes, ears, nose, and throat, and make an appointment without having to go through his primary doctor. Normally you need a referal, but he already had one last time this happened. So I am crossing my fingers that they will let me just make an appointment with them
Right now I feel like everything is on the line and just hanging there. I am not sure where to start at this point, and everything rides on something else. I don't like this feeling at all. I feel like there is nothing that I can do for any of this. I guess I don't even know how to explain this all, but I know that there is so much going on and it's a lot to take on and process. i mean all this doesn't even include those day to day things. House cleaning, oil changes, dog grooming, dishes, homework.... the list goes one.
I know that this will all end at some point, but for right now, i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's time for me to hibernate for while. Even though that is not possible, i just want to shut it all off! IM OVER IT ALL
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