Colton
You are the baby of this house. You bring light to me everyday. You make me smile and laugh. You amaze me with all that you learn and the things you teach me. You are walking, using a sippy, clapping, waving, you say hi, give kisses and high fives. You are one of many blessings in my life.
You are so playful, and smart. Being with you everyday makes it all worth while. I watch you and your brother play all day and hope that someday you grow to be wonderful friends. That you watch out of one another, and that you do something amazing with your life. I hope that I can give you the right tools to get through this crazy life.
I hope you always know how much all three of us love you, and even when daddy is away he loves you very much. We will be always be here for you! I can't wait to watch you grow another year and be able to write all the things you learn leading up to your second birthday.
Happy first birthday my baby!! Hope all your dreams someday come true!
Love your mommy, daddy, and big brother
Sent via BlackBerry by Whitney Johnson HHC 1-16 co-leader 2187802995
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Bam!!! Reality check
Tonight I watched army wives, like every other Sunday. But this one was different, it was sad, it was hard.... But most importantly it gave me a reality check. I have yet to do a deployment. I have yet to experience the feelings of that void.
I know that the show is not what the real army is and if I would not have started watching it before we joined, I would have never started for that reason.
I can't really explain how ready I thought I would be, and how many times I tell myself it will all be ok. What I have forgotten to tell myself, is that it can happen anytime. That no matter what we are in the middle of in our lives he could have to start leaving. I knew during NTC that he would only be gone a short time and that moving would be on me. I was ready for that. I was ready to prove myself and get it done.
What I saw tonight was in a very short time things could change. No matter who's birthday, anniversary, wedding, travel plans, moving, medical issues.... Anything and it could all be thrown on me all while dealing with him leaving. I don't doubt myself that I couldn't do it, but I know I wont like it. I know that no matter how many times I have to say goodbye to him in the future, its never going to be easy.
No matter what we are doing, or where he is he is still my husband whom promised to be there in sickness and health, better or worse, richer or poor....but that was all given up.
You should have to renew your vows when you join. They should say that he will be there when he can, not when he wants or you think you need. He will be here when your medical issue qualifies as an emergency which is dictated by someone other than you. That when you want to talk to him you must wait for him to call.
I know that the show is not what the real army is and if I would not have started watching it before we joined, I would have never started for that reason.
I can't really explain how ready I thought I would be, and how many times I tell myself it will all be ok. What I have forgotten to tell myself, is that it can happen anytime. That no matter what we are in the middle of in our lives he could have to start leaving. I knew during NTC that he would only be gone a short time and that moving would be on me. I was ready for that. I was ready to prove myself and get it done.
What I saw tonight was in a very short time things could change. No matter who's birthday, anniversary, wedding, travel plans, moving, medical issues.... Anything and it could all be thrown on me all while dealing with him leaving. I don't doubt myself that I couldn't do it, but I know I wont like it. I know that no matter how many times I have to say goodbye to him in the future, its never going to be easy.
No matter what we are doing, or where he is he is still my husband whom promised to be there in sickness and health, better or worse, richer or poor....but that was all given up.
You should have to renew your vows when you join. They should say that he will be there when he can, not when he wants or you think you need. He will be here when your medical issue qualifies as an emergency which is dictated by someone other than you. That when you want to talk to him you must wait for him to call.
Anyways I came across something else whole ratteling me brain with all of this. And guess what I came up with!!!! I can do it. Why not? Many do. And the other thing I like that is said too often..... Your not alone!!! What a statement. What honest to goodness truth. The only thing I actually trust when the army says it!!
So here it is!
When and if this is something we have to deal with, we will do it! Our family is a team and we will make it even a thousand miles away. We can make it work like we have made everything else work. Its all part of life and learning
I love you PFC Johnson and if we ever have to go through this, we will be ok. We will think about you all the time and we will miss you every second. BUT until then he is mine after NTC, and we will make the best of it!!!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Somewhere tonight....
Somewhere tonight, there is a women missing her soldier. She misses his laugh, his smile, is energy, is voice. She misses his silence, his presence, his heater like ability in the middle of the night. She is missing his things on the floor, his dishes in the sink. Snoring at night and the blaring alarm at the crack of dawn. She misses her backseat driver, and the couch cuddling. Cooking big meals and washing his uniforms.
She knows that he is working. She is aware that this is the life they chose. Even knowing that the time apart is not forever, nor even very long.... it feels that way. It feels like he has been gone forever and has forever to go before he comes back.
She is aware that this time apart is nothing compared to what some people go through, or what she may go through with him in the future.
She reminds herself why she does what she does. No matter where her soldier may be, there are still kids here to feed, dress, bathe, and play with. She knows there are still bills that still need paying, and a house that still needs dusting. She knows why he does what he does, and why she does what she does.
With everyday that goes by she knows she is becoming a stronger person. At the end of everyday she looks back on all that she has done and smiles. When she sleeps she dreams only of his face and his voice. She replays his coming home over and over in her head. The things that they will talk about and the things they will do. For this particular wife, she will be proud of all the things she has done and all the changes in the last month.
None of these things make missing him any easier. It just gives her the ability to talk to her way through it. Even if she is talking to herself.
To my soldier and the millions of others that are scattered all around the world, no matter how long you have been gone, or will be gone, know that you are thought about all the time. You are missed every minute of everyday. You are respected, and make your families proud. You are a hero & We are still here being the rock we promised to be.
I love you PFC David Johnson.. I miss you all the time, and I can not wait till you make it home and we can start a whole new way of life. In a new home!! in a new place!!!
She knows that he is working. She is aware that this is the life they chose. Even knowing that the time apart is not forever, nor even very long.... it feels that way. It feels like he has been gone forever and has forever to go before he comes back.
She is aware that this time apart is nothing compared to what some people go through, or what she may go through with him in the future.
She reminds herself why she does what she does. No matter where her soldier may be, there are still kids here to feed, dress, bathe, and play with. She knows there are still bills that still need paying, and a house that still needs dusting. She knows why he does what he does, and why she does what she does.
With everyday that goes by she knows she is becoming a stronger person. At the end of everyday she looks back on all that she has done and smiles. When she sleeps she dreams only of his face and his voice. She replays his coming home over and over in her head. The things that they will talk about and the things they will do. For this particular wife, she will be proud of all the things she has done and all the changes in the last month.
None of these things make missing him any easier. It just gives her the ability to talk to her way through it. Even if she is talking to herself.
To my soldier and the millions of others that are scattered all around the world, no matter how long you have been gone, or will be gone, know that you are thought about all the time. You are missed every minute of everyday. You are respected, and make your families proud. You are a hero & We are still here being the rock we promised to be.
I love you PFC David Johnson.. I miss you all the time, and I can not wait till you make it home and we can start a whole new way of life. In a new home!! in a new place!!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Short Seperation
In the world of the army wives there are times when you are all alone. Times when he is called to work or train somewhere else. This is happening to us right now. Dave is away training for the whole month and the rest is up to me. Kids 24/7, all the housework, all the cooking, all the appointments etc. I know that he will be home before I know it. I know that there are plenty here that are going without their loved ones for 12 months or more. I think about how lucky we are, to be able to do something like this short trail before he just up and leaves for year.
I have decided that I do miss him even though he has been gone only a few days. He is my husband and even if he is gone to work for the day I miss him. It's just part of the job. I am sure that some out there are very depressed and just counting days till they get home. I am counting, but only in my head. I am mentally prepared for him having to stay a little longer than we thought, as that is what the army does best.
I have made up my mind and make this whole "being apart" period to challenge myself. I have been taking the kids out all by myself. I am just proving to myself that I am stronger than I think. I am working with the kids the best that I can to get them to do things, like loose the nook and to use the potty. Can you imagine what a great feeling that would be to get all that done in the month that he is gone. There is not much that I have done in my life that is rewarding, besides the kids. Dave decided when Dallas was born that I was going to stay home and that is how it has been since.
This is really something I can make myself proud over and prove that I can do it. Not just for me, but also for the kids. The kids can make a person crazy, I am not going to lie. The way that I have decided to channel that energy and frustration is to put it all into playing with them, taking them out when I can, AND workout at the end of the day.
This may seem silly to most as I know that he is not going to be gone that long. He was gone for longer when he was in basic and AIT. I had family than though. It was nothing like it is now. Yes, I have great friends here and they help when they can, but I would rather do it on my own. They have families that they are tending to as well. This is all me.
Since we moved here we have been doing everything as a family. It has been a great feeling. Buying everything that have got here and the big electronics, we did that all on our own. When we were back home sometimes we had to borrow money from family to get us through the week. It's not that we make more now, we just know how to manage it better. It is really a great feeling to not have to depend on others and to know that you can do it on your own. SO that is what I am going to do, all while missing him.
My soldier is my hero and I am his rock. Together we are a team and together we can do anything. He is always in my heart no matter how far away he is. We are a team and we are one. I love you PFC Johnson and I can not wait till you come home again!!!!
I have decided that I do miss him even though he has been gone only a few days. He is my husband and even if he is gone to work for the day I miss him. It's just part of the job. I am sure that some out there are very depressed and just counting days till they get home. I am counting, but only in my head. I am mentally prepared for him having to stay a little longer than we thought, as that is what the army does best.
I have made up my mind and make this whole "being apart" period to challenge myself. I have been taking the kids out all by myself. I am just proving to myself that I am stronger than I think. I am working with the kids the best that I can to get them to do things, like loose the nook and to use the potty. Can you imagine what a great feeling that would be to get all that done in the month that he is gone. There is not much that I have done in my life that is rewarding, besides the kids. Dave decided when Dallas was born that I was going to stay home and that is how it has been since.
This is really something I can make myself proud over and prove that I can do it. Not just for me, but also for the kids. The kids can make a person crazy, I am not going to lie. The way that I have decided to channel that energy and frustration is to put it all into playing with them, taking them out when I can, AND workout at the end of the day.
This may seem silly to most as I know that he is not going to be gone that long. He was gone for longer when he was in basic and AIT. I had family than though. It was nothing like it is now. Yes, I have great friends here and they help when they can, but I would rather do it on my own. They have families that they are tending to as well. This is all me.
Since we moved here we have been doing everything as a family. It has been a great feeling. Buying everything that have got here and the big electronics, we did that all on our own. When we were back home sometimes we had to borrow money from family to get us through the week. It's not that we make more now, we just know how to manage it better. It is really a great feeling to not have to depend on others and to know that you can do it on your own. SO that is what I am going to do, all while missing him.
My soldier is my hero and I am his rock. Together we are a team and together we can do anything. He is always in my heart no matter how far away he is. We are a team and we are one. I love you PFC Johnson and I can not wait till you come home again!!!!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
To Dallas~
Dearest Child~
Three years ago tomorrow, I was handed my very first miracle. Something so small and amazing, I didn't ever think would be mine. Weighing 5 pounds and 12 ounces, so very very small. So innocent, loving, and dependent. Dependent not on the world, but on me. Through the year you have become more more dependent. Sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me happy. It makes me sad to know that not that long ago you needed me so much , and now you can do things on your own. Makes me realize that as more years pass your going to need me less and less. It makes me happy just to see you grow. To see you be more independent because I know that those things are going to make a very smart, happy young man.
You love movies and memorizing them the best that you can. You like to fish, and go to the park. Playing with friends and going out to BBQ. You are such a happy little boy, and it makes me shine from the inside out. You give mommy all the hugs and kisses she could ever ask for. You give them to me whenever I ask. It makes me so happy to know that I can make you happy.
Some of the things that I can not ever forget about you at this age is:
Sitting by me and asking me whats up mom.
waking up in the morning and telling me morning mom.
Bedtime and telling me you love me and good night.
That you still love your own bed and don't like to sleep anywhere but your own house and your own bed alone.
You tell me that baby brother is "so Cute"
Tell me that your going to kick my butt.
Wrestling with your daddy.
Counting with you.
You pointing out things to me and asking me what they are and then telling me thats right mommy.
I am so happy to call you mine, and so you make me so proud all the time. I am not going to lie, we have our moments. My heart breaks when I have to disipline you and you cry. You and I are so close, and it breaks my heart. I know that someday your really not going to want to hang out with your mom all the time. SO i know that I am going to enjoy this time all that I can and cherish these memories.
Dallas you started your life as my first special miracle, and you have continued to be that not just for me, but for the rest of our family and the people around you.
I love you sweetheart. You a very special spark in my life, and I hope that you never loose that in you. We are always here for you and love so with all our hearts. No matter where you go in life never forget that!
Thank you son for being such a MIRACLE!!!
Three years ago tomorrow, I was handed my very first miracle. Something so small and amazing, I didn't ever think would be mine. Weighing 5 pounds and 12 ounces, so very very small. So innocent, loving, and dependent. Dependent not on the world, but on me. Through the year you have become more more dependent. Sometimes it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me happy. It makes me sad to know that not that long ago you needed me so much , and now you can do things on your own. Makes me realize that as more years pass your going to need me less and less. It makes me happy just to see you grow. To see you be more independent because I know that those things are going to make a very smart, happy young man.
You love movies and memorizing them the best that you can. You like to fish, and go to the park. Playing with friends and going out to BBQ. You are such a happy little boy, and it makes me shine from the inside out. You give mommy all the hugs and kisses she could ever ask for. You give them to me whenever I ask. It makes me so happy to know that I can make you happy.
Some of the things that I can not ever forget about you at this age is:
Sitting by me and asking me whats up mom.
waking up in the morning and telling me morning mom.
Bedtime and telling me you love me and good night.
That you still love your own bed and don't like to sleep anywhere but your own house and your own bed alone.
You tell me that baby brother is "so Cute"
Tell me that your going to kick my butt.
Wrestling with your daddy.
Counting with you.
You pointing out things to me and asking me what they are and then telling me thats right mommy.
I am so happy to call you mine, and so you make me so proud all the time. I am not going to lie, we have our moments. My heart breaks when I have to disipline you and you cry. You and I are so close, and it breaks my heart. I know that someday your really not going to want to hang out with your mom all the time. SO i know that I am going to enjoy this time all that I can and cherish these memories.
Dallas you started your life as my first special miracle, and you have continued to be that not just for me, but for the rest of our family and the people around you.
I love you sweetheart. You a very special spark in my life, and I hope that you never loose that in you. We are always here for you and love so with all our hearts. No matter where you go in life never forget that!
Thank you son for being such a MIRACLE!!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My Grandma
Lucille Delores Dorscher
Grandma, you were such an amazing person since I can remember. You have always been there for me and have always helped me no matter what I needed. I have learned so much from you, and have so many memories. Some of my earliest memories start with camping trips in the pop up camper.
Packing lunches to go fishing on the boat.
You and I watching the birds outside. You would teach me what the birds where. Even if it was a little boring at the time I cherish the time now.
Showing me around the garden and introducing me to fresh peas and carrots. Nothing can compare to those!
Watching the Jungle Book over and over no matter how much you would have watched anything else at that point.
Sitting in your truck, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world.
You and Grandpa letting me sit in the boat in the yard and letting me cast.
Saturday nights at your house so I could go to church with you in the morning.
Letting the dog in my room to lick my face to wake me every Sunday.
Chocolate Malt-o-meal, toast and O.J. every Sunday morning before church, than church. than you me and grandpa going out to eat. (Chocolate smily faced pancakes at Village inn with extra whipped Cream)
Shopping EVERY Sunday after lunch at Herbergers'
Singing and recording us singing a million songs, than listening to them back and laughing.
You and Grandpa trying to teach me say loon, and i smashed my face off the table.
Giving me your nylons to "skate" on the kitchen floor. After i fell i never asked again.
Hiding in your closet for about a half hour before we realized that no one was going to come looking for us.
Your closet and the million pairs of high heels lined up all over the whole closet.
Playing returant in the basement at the unused bar.
The day everything changed, you came out of the shower to take me summer shopping and nothing was ever the same after that shower. I remember having to watch grandpa try to get you into the van to the hospital. Sitting in the waiting room. Un aware of what was going on.
After all of that you were in the nursing home and paralized on your left side. Everything chaged so much in the 11 years that you were there. Grandpa got sick and passed, all the weddings and great grandkids. I wish you were there for it all. I never blamed you for not being able to be. You have gone through so much in the last 11 years. You became the longest resident at St Micheals Nursing Home. You made amazing friends there and great people that loved you so much they became more like family to all of us.
Being able to come home to say good bye to you ment so much to me. Even though it was so hard to see you in such rough shape those first few days that you were talking were so great. I loved to hear you say you loved me and for me to be able to tell you how much I loved you.
After you passed I I think I was relived as you were in so so so much pain and so ready to see grandpa again. I had a hard hard time but I know that I had to say something at your viewing and so I did, and i am glad that I did. I have no regrets at all. At your funeral along with a rose we grand kids were asked to offer something that reminded us of you and i offered yarn, you crochets so many amazing things and helped to show me how. I think that I might try to learn how again.
Grandma~ You were an amazing, strong, funny, hard working person. You were so great to me and always there for me. And like always you will always be in my heart and my thoughts. All those memories are always going to be with me. I will share them with my kids as time goes on and I will visit you every chance I can. Someday I will see you again, and it will be amazing.
Thank you for everything, never forget that I love you and tell grandpa I miss him so much! I hope that you both have found each other and you are Polka dancing up there :)
Love always and forever,
Whitney Jean
Grandma, you were such an amazing person since I can remember. You have always been there for me and have always helped me no matter what I needed. I have learned so much from you, and have so many memories. Some of my earliest memories start with camping trips in the pop up camper.
Packing lunches to go fishing on the boat.
You and I watching the birds outside. You would teach me what the birds where. Even if it was a little boring at the time I cherish the time now.
Showing me around the garden and introducing me to fresh peas and carrots. Nothing can compare to those!
Watching the Jungle Book over and over no matter how much you would have watched anything else at that point.
Sitting in your truck, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world.
You and Grandpa letting me sit in the boat in the yard and letting me cast.
Saturday nights at your house so I could go to church with you in the morning.
Letting the dog in my room to lick my face to wake me every Sunday.
Chocolate Malt-o-meal, toast and O.J. every Sunday morning before church, than church. than you me and grandpa going out to eat. (Chocolate smily faced pancakes at Village inn with extra whipped Cream)
Shopping EVERY Sunday after lunch at Herbergers'
Singing and recording us singing a million songs, than listening to them back and laughing.
You and Grandpa trying to teach me say loon, and i smashed my face off the table.
Giving me your nylons to "skate" on the kitchen floor. After i fell i never asked again.
Hiding in your closet for about a half hour before we realized that no one was going to come looking for us.
Your closet and the million pairs of high heels lined up all over the whole closet.
Playing returant in the basement at the unused bar.
The day everything changed, you came out of the shower to take me summer shopping and nothing was ever the same after that shower. I remember having to watch grandpa try to get you into the van to the hospital. Sitting in the waiting room. Un aware of what was going on.
After all of that you were in the nursing home and paralized on your left side. Everything chaged so much in the 11 years that you were there. Grandpa got sick and passed, all the weddings and great grandkids. I wish you were there for it all. I never blamed you for not being able to be. You have gone through so much in the last 11 years. You became the longest resident at St Micheals Nursing Home. You made amazing friends there and great people that loved you so much they became more like family to all of us.
Being able to come home to say good bye to you ment so much to me. Even though it was so hard to see you in such rough shape those first few days that you were talking were so great. I loved to hear you say you loved me and for me to be able to tell you how much I loved you.
After you passed I I think I was relived as you were in so so so much pain and so ready to see grandpa again. I had a hard hard time but I know that I had to say something at your viewing and so I did, and i am glad that I did. I have no regrets at all. At your funeral along with a rose we grand kids were asked to offer something that reminded us of you and i offered yarn, you crochets so many amazing things and helped to show me how. I think that I might try to learn how again.
Grandma~ You were an amazing, strong, funny, hard working person. You were so great to me and always there for me. And like always you will always be in my heart and my thoughts. All those memories are always going to be with me. I will share them with my kids as time goes on and I will visit you every chance I can. Someday I will see you again, and it will be amazing.
Thank you for everything, never forget that I love you and tell grandpa I miss him so much! I hope that you both have found each other and you are Polka dancing up there :)
Love always and forever,
Whitney Jean
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