Ok I have to get this out there, just to get this out there..... Since we went off to do our thing as a family in the military, people come and go. It's hard to pack up and just jet home for people, and some understand and some don't. Same goes for friends as well. There are some back home that sort of understand our lives, some that don't care, and some that maybe don't know what we are doing here, or appreciate the things that my husband does. Doesn't really matter. You learn who your friends are everyday. The one thing that I never thought you would have to learn is who your real family is!
I mean really? I always thought that family was forever, they would love you no matter what, and they would always be there for you. Sucks a little when you find out that is not at all the case. Some people can not forgive the past, but no one is perfect, and no one will be. Therefore, we have all made mistakes. There was a time, me and husband went through whole crap load of issues. SO WHAT.... We are through it, and now why is it that family can not do that. I would think that people who claim to be family, would be happy for how far that we have come.... Not everything is my fault. It takes two you know. I mean really people get a grip.
The worst part about this is all is that someday you are going to regret the choices that you have made, and you know that we have no issues, cutting those that only harm us and our relationship, out of our family. There is no reason to be there if you serve us no purpose. I have people that call me from back home just to check in and see how I am doing. Those people show that they care. They talk to the kids often and know just about everything that is happening with us.... Those are the people that are family. real family.
You know that else, my husband has delt with enough and so has this whole family in the last year. But you wouldn't know that, because your not around. And to be brutally honest, you may not hear it from him, but you are really really hurting him. Not only that, but you are truly the reason that I don't think that I wast to go home. I don't want to move back there right now, I am NOT READY FOR THE DRAMA. I don't want my kids in that situation and I don't want to be in that situation anymore. Which in the end sucks becasue I know my husband wants to go home and get out of the army, and I fight it because he is used to this crap and I don't want to be part of it. Not only that, but you are ruining it for those that I actually want to go home for! Which in the end sucks....
Point blank is this, I don't care if you like me or not, your stuck with me. The past is the past, and you are hurting the whole family by continuing to live by it. We really don't care what you think in case you have not noticed. Most of all you are totally and 100% selfish to put my husband in this position. I mean really, do You have any damn idea what that man goes through. NO because you are not around for anyone except when it benifits you in some way. I really should be more specific, but I am not going to. It doesn't matter really. Some day reality will slap you in the face, and for your sake that better be DAMN SOON or you will loose it all. I know I am about done with it, and it won't take long for Dave to finally say what he needs to say.
Lastly, Family would know what is going on with my family, because they care. They call for the kids, they call for me and they call for Dave. I know that with Dave gone, it's sometimes easier to think that this is easier to handle when you are not always talking to the kids or myself. This is our life right now.... This is a reality that I live with everyday, I can't just ignore it.... You have shown your true colors. It's been almost a 12 month deployment and I have to say you have about blown it.
Family is not just there when there is something in it for them, they are not just family because you have the same family members, and we are not family because we are on the same family tree. Therefore you are just a relative ... Sucks for you!
Personally, I would love to just head to Lowe's tomorrow and cut a few shitty branches off the family tree!
On a side note the heat blanket is giving me a little relief to my pain.... thank you DAVE!!! Great idea and it worked fairly well!
NIGHT
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Half full or half empty...?!?!?!?!
I think the below can explain more as to how I am feeling at this time. I need the time to "just let go, and be me." I don't want to be who I am not or was before and am not now. Sometimes, I find myself living by others expectations of what I should be, and that will be no more. Up till this week, I always saw my glass as half full. Now its looking more like half empty. I lost something somewhere in my travels, and I need to get that back. I need to find out first, what it is I lost..... What someone took..... or what I gave away. Whatever it is, I intend to battle with it, till I get it back. Even I miss me.....
For those of you who have continued you call, come by, or have me over... I am so thankful. I know that I have not been the most fun person to be around and for that I am sorry. I think it sucks too, your not the only one~ I know that all I do is complain lately, and I miss the giggly me..... I lost it a long time ago and it keeps slipping away. When I get it back, it will be here to stay.
No I am not like in a suicidal state, I will not do anything dumb, nor drastic..... So don't go drawing your own conclusions please. I think there is a time in everyone's life when they need to stop and take a look at everything they have done, not done, wanted to do, and still want to do in their lives. In the mist of actually living life, you sometimes have to let go of things and move on.... I need to find out what those all are.... But I will get there... I hope that when I wake up in the near future by coffee cup will again be... HALF FULL
For those of you who have continued you call, come by, or have me over... I am so thankful. I know that I have not been the most fun person to be around and for that I am sorry. I think it sucks too, your not the only one~ I know that all I do is complain lately, and I miss the giggly me..... I lost it a long time ago and it keeps slipping away. When I get it back, it will be here to stay.
No I am not like in a suicidal state, I will not do anything dumb, nor drastic..... So don't go drawing your own conclusions please. I think there is a time in everyone's life when they need to stop and take a look at everything they have done, not done, wanted to do, and still want to do in their lives. In the mist of actually living life, you sometimes have to let go of things and move on.... I need to find out what those all are.... But I will get there... I hope that when I wake up in the near future by coffee cup will again be... HALF FULL
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Rain rain go AWAY... On second thought.....
It was a really rainy day today. I don't think it actually started till like lunch time. I mean I really don't know. I'm going to be honest here and say that it was gloomy this morning and I spent a HUGE chunk of my day in my jammies drinking coffee. So timing was not my thing. Considering I stopped all the nonsense and finally got dressed about....um...... 3:30. Don't judge me.
I would be lying if I said I hadn't fully intended to do the jammie coffee thing all day. It was, as always, stepped on. You see my kids had no juice and no milk. Meaning the sky was falling, the earth was rumbling, and if I didn't get going, the WHOLE world was going to crumble around them, and me. You know if I was not drinking coffee in front of them all morning, we may have made it longer. It was my cue to get going when they started asking for my coffee. YEAH RIGHT! Good try kids, mom is not THAT dumb. I'll only do that, when daddy is home and I have somewhere to be... meaning your home with daddy :) (Kidding)
In any case, we made it to the shopette (or for non military terms a gas station on post LOL.) Now before the kids and I make our way in, there was many, many, MANY warnings about how we were going for JUST JUICE AND MILK. There would be no CANDY, ICE CREAM, or SNACKS of any kind. So after they both agreed, we made our way in, as I again stressed what we were there for. 3 seconds into the store, and I knew what this trip was going to be like. Dallas of course, starts asking, "mom can I have this?" "Dallas is that a snack?" "yes."........."so then the answer is still no!" So this happened all the way to the back of the store to the milk. Finally I just looked at him and said, I SAID WE WERE NOT GETTING ANYTHING ELSE! He got so mad! As if this was the first time he heard this. Then it was all over. I now had one child trying to run away from me, one flopping like a fish out of water on the floor, and people looking at me. (I hate when they do that By the way. Like I asked him to do this!)
So I finally made it half way to the front, intentionally passing the wine. Yeah that's right... Much needed. Again..don't judge me. By the grace of god, we all made it out of there without to many more issues. I really hate when the trips go like that. AND the worst part is, you never know what you are in for. They are like 2 different kids depending one what side of the store door they are on! Dallas acted like he had never in all 4 years been in public. I was obviously mad. Well then when got to the truck, he sees the carnival and wants to go. Like really child. Were you there for that giant meltdown you just had??? We get half way home and dallas finally calms down.... and then asks me "mom, is something the matter." At this point I'm certain I left my child in the car while I was in the store, and must have brought someone else's kid in there.
We did make it home... Finally. Nothing really exciting after that. Layed around and watched movies. I know that it wouldn't have been a Johnson day without a little entertainment though. Oh well. I managed some homework, house work, and relaxed to some tunes the rest of the night. After all, I didn't mind that it rained all day.
NIGHT!!!!
I would be lying if I said I hadn't fully intended to do the jammie coffee thing all day. It was, as always, stepped on. You see my kids had no juice and no milk. Meaning the sky was falling, the earth was rumbling, and if I didn't get going, the WHOLE world was going to crumble around them, and me. You know if I was not drinking coffee in front of them all morning, we may have made it longer. It was my cue to get going when they started asking for my coffee. YEAH RIGHT! Good try kids, mom is not THAT dumb. I'll only do that, when daddy is home and I have somewhere to be... meaning your home with daddy :) (Kidding)
In any case, we made it to the shopette (or for non military terms a gas station on post LOL.) Now before the kids and I make our way in, there was many, many, MANY warnings about how we were going for JUST JUICE AND MILK. There would be no CANDY, ICE CREAM, or SNACKS of any kind. So after they both agreed, we made our way in, as I again stressed what we were there for. 3 seconds into the store, and I knew what this trip was going to be like. Dallas of course, starts asking, "mom can I have this?" "Dallas is that a snack?" "yes."........."so then the answer is still no!" So this happened all the way to the back of the store to the milk. Finally I just looked at him and said, I SAID WE WERE NOT GETTING ANYTHING ELSE! He got so mad! As if this was the first time he heard this. Then it was all over. I now had one child trying to run away from me, one flopping like a fish out of water on the floor, and people looking at me. (I hate when they do that By the way. Like I asked him to do this!)
So I finally made it half way to the front, intentionally passing the wine. Yeah that's right... Much needed. Again..don't judge me. By the grace of god, we all made it out of there without to many more issues. I really hate when the trips go like that. AND the worst part is, you never know what you are in for. They are like 2 different kids depending one what side of the store door they are on! Dallas acted like he had never in all 4 years been in public. I was obviously mad. Well then when got to the truck, he sees the carnival and wants to go. Like really child. Were you there for that giant meltdown you just had??? We get half way home and dallas finally calms down.... and then asks me "mom, is something the matter." At this point I'm certain I left my child in the car while I was in the store, and must have brought someone else's kid in there.
We did make it home... Finally. Nothing really exciting after that. Layed around and watched movies. I know that it wouldn't have been a Johnson day without a little entertainment though. Oh well. I managed some homework, house work, and relaxed to some tunes the rest of the night. After all, I didn't mind that it rained all day.
NIGHT!!!!
Friday, October 7, 2011
ITS FRIDAY ITS FRIDAY
I can't even tell you why I would care that it's Friday. Really it's just another day of doing what I do. The weekends don't do a lot for me, since I do all the day to day things no matter what day it may be. Welcome to the glorious life of a STAY AT HOME MOMMY.....
There was nothing really to interesting today that happened..... Except I went to the River Walk here with a friend. Always a great time, and we both LOVE photography, so we always get together to take some pics. I am not a professional, but I REALLY like doing it in my spare moments. Photos of anything really.... I wanted some fall pics, so thats what we set out to do. I was really bummed when I realized, Kansas is nothing like Minnesota. There is not a red leaf for miles (literally) and when you find one... that's exactly what you find... ONE! The orange leaves are very few and far between. So that leaves (<--HEHE leaves..Ok im done) you with green, yellow, and brown. Not my Fav! We all know Minnesota is Land of the COLD and only for the BRAVE.... but winters there are spectacular! The huge trees with inches of snow, where everything is really white, and no matter what, you know you will always have this beauty for Christmas (and MANY MANY months after) Yes, it's cold, grow a pair, it's still pretty! I never really did appreciate the beauty of the fall there though till today. Wish I was there to see the pretty trees! BLAH!!!! Major plus sides to this adventure, Colton took a nap, and I got some exercise. A work out I am now paying the price for... I hate my stupid body lately....
Speaking of my body that sucks all together, I got my lab results in. They told me it was either my thyroid, or that fibromyelgia stuff... Results to the blood test say that my thyroid (though Large) is working just fine, and I am not anemic. So I guess I get to go in and see what the future may hold for me. Either way, I don't know what to think about it at this time, rather than it blows. I mean in reality, I don't care what the doctors call it, I call it painful... So hopefully we can manage that part of it.
I think I did get a glimpse into the future today. I may now be having to face the reality of living with 2 young boys, and I can only imagine when the 3rd gets home. To put it in a short, not so graphic story, here it goes.... Sitting in a silent house, while the boys are off in another room being pretty quiet for boys. Oldest one Farts, and they BOTH laughed for like ten minutes. Not a giggle, full blown belly laugh. What do you say to that? There was nothing I could do but laugh myself. I assume that as long as they think I didn't hear it, and they didn't hear me laughing I was in the clear. I didn't know what else to do! It was tickling me to hear them so tickled! They do have cute laughs :)
Other than that it was a little bit of everything. We went out back this morning to get some leaves for Dallas' show and share at school (he needed to bring in something that reminded him of fall), He did his homework, played a little catch with the big ball in the kitchen (SHHHHHH Don't tell dad :) I LOVE YOU DAVEY) OHHHH...who am i Kidding he is usually the one to start all that anyways :) We colored a little and practiced Dallas' name for a bit. I did get to talk to my husband for awhile as well.... which always make me smile for the rest of the day! Now if he could find that webcam of his..... DAVE! Spaghetti was requested for dinner. If you want to win the way to Dallas' heart feed him pizza and spaghetti EVERYDAY! (im saving this for when he get's married) Future Dallas Wife contestants.... GET LEARNING!
Not a bad day if I do say so myself... Hopefully we can continue in this pattern for awhile now. I'm WAY WAY over all the bad days. More appointments next week so we shall see how it all goes. If we can all stay in one piece I think that we will be fine, because it seems that even that is getting harder to do lately!
HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT DAY AND ANOTHER ON THE WAY!!! NIGHT
There was nothing really to interesting today that happened..... Except I went to the River Walk here with a friend. Always a great time, and we both LOVE photography, so we always get together to take some pics. I am not a professional, but I REALLY like doing it in my spare moments. Photos of anything really.... I wanted some fall pics, so thats what we set out to do. I was really bummed when I realized, Kansas is nothing like Minnesota. There is not a red leaf for miles (literally) and when you find one... that's exactly what you find... ONE! The orange leaves are very few and far between. So that leaves (<--HEHE leaves..Ok im done) you with green, yellow, and brown. Not my Fav! We all know Minnesota is Land of the COLD and only for the BRAVE.... but winters there are spectacular! The huge trees with inches of snow, where everything is really white, and no matter what, you know you will always have this beauty for Christmas (and MANY MANY months after) Yes, it's cold, grow a pair, it's still pretty! I never really did appreciate the beauty of the fall there though till today. Wish I was there to see the pretty trees! BLAH!!!! Major plus sides to this adventure, Colton took a nap, and I got some exercise. A work out I am now paying the price for... I hate my stupid body lately....
Speaking of my body that sucks all together, I got my lab results in. They told me it was either my thyroid, or that fibromyelgia stuff... Results to the blood test say that my thyroid (though Large) is working just fine, and I am not anemic. So I guess I get to go in and see what the future may hold for me. Either way, I don't know what to think about it at this time, rather than it blows. I mean in reality, I don't care what the doctors call it, I call it painful... So hopefully we can manage that part of it.
I think I did get a glimpse into the future today. I may now be having to face the reality of living with 2 young boys, and I can only imagine when the 3rd gets home. To put it in a short, not so graphic story, here it goes.... Sitting in a silent house, while the boys are off in another room being pretty quiet for boys. Oldest one Farts, and they BOTH laughed for like ten minutes. Not a giggle, full blown belly laugh. What do you say to that? There was nothing I could do but laugh myself. I assume that as long as they think I didn't hear it, and they didn't hear me laughing I was in the clear. I didn't know what else to do! It was tickling me to hear them so tickled! They do have cute laughs :)
Other than that it was a little bit of everything. We went out back this morning to get some leaves for Dallas' show and share at school (he needed to bring in something that reminded him of fall), He did his homework, played a little catch with the big ball in the kitchen (SHHHHHH Don't tell dad :) I LOVE YOU DAVEY) OHHHH...who am i Kidding he is usually the one to start all that anyways :) We colored a little and practiced Dallas' name for a bit. I did get to talk to my husband for awhile as well.... which always make me smile for the rest of the day! Now if he could find that webcam of his..... DAVE! Spaghetti was requested for dinner. If you want to win the way to Dallas' heart feed him pizza and spaghetti EVERYDAY! (im saving this for when he get's married) Future Dallas Wife contestants.... GET LEARNING!
Not a bad day if I do say so myself... Hopefully we can continue in this pattern for awhile now. I'm WAY WAY over all the bad days. More appointments next week so we shall see how it all goes. If we can all stay in one piece I think that we will be fine, because it seems that even that is getting harder to do lately!
HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT DAY AND ANOTHER ON THE WAY!!! NIGHT
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I feel like im at the bottom
You know when you feel like you have gotten to the end of the line, and that everything is working against you? I feel like that for sure. I can't say through-out this deployment that I have yet felt this way. There have been many days and sometimes weeks where i have to ask myself what the hell is going on. Nothing compared to how I am feeling now.
Let me start at the beginning. A long long time ago when I was still in school, I played volleyball awhile. Well in doing so, I hurt my knees pretty bad. They told me all the time that I had Tendinitis. So of course I went with it. They gave me nothing for it, and it really didnt bother me all the time so it wasn't a big deal. Around the same time, they would ALWAYS tell me the second the doctor walked into the room, that I had an enlarged Thyroid. They never told me what it ment or what to do about it till I was pregnant with the second child and I started to deal with a private practice doctor. She reffered me an hour away to see a specialist. However, they wouldn't do anything because I was pregnant. So they just monitored it a lot. After I had Colton, we moved here and I knew I couldnt go straight to a specialist, I would have to start the process all over. So I never did get that far.
Now days my knees are always hurting! Up until the last couple weeks. All of a sudden it seems like it spread all over. Its hard to really explain. I just hurt everywhere almost like my muscles are all bruised though I have done nothing to make them feel that way. Aside from that there are spots where they hurt the most. Like the back of my neck, lower back, knees, and feet. NOW everything is popping! I sound like a bowl of rice crispies when i do anything. This never happened. So I went to see the doctor yesterday and he said he is certain that it is Fibromyalgia. However there is a chance that it could be linked to my thyroid. So this morning I had to go in and let them take all my blood. On the 17th I can go back in and talk to the dr about the results. Obviously there is something wrong.
Yesterday morning his speech lady was suppose to come and check his ears. She was a no show. So of course I was mad from the start. Then, before my appointment in the evening, I had some errands to run while Dallas was in school. So Colton and I went about it. It started out ok for the first 5 minutes. Then I could smell there was a diaper change in my future. I was too far from home to go and change him, and he was to smelly to take into any place. SO there I was in the parking lot of the shopping center. All doors closed, while Colton and I are changing this nasty thing in the back. Finally rid the truck and Colton of that nasty thing. We get to where I need to be, and we are about to go inside when suddenly he falls. Not just a fall as one would suspect. I mean a fall like no other because thats how we roll! He seemed ok from the looks of him till he opened his mouth. A mouth full of blood. I had nothing. He cried and spit blood for like 10 minutes. Finally when he stopped I looked and he had bit his tongue. Not like nipped it and was hurt, because again thats just not how this family seems to go about things. No, this was like whole front tooth in the tongue. I took him back to the truck and cleaned him up the best that I could. No change of clothes just some wet wipes. So he stopped bleeding and crying, but still had blood all over his shirt. I had to take him anyways into dave's work to pick up some things.
So, now you think its all over and all is well. YOUR SO WRONG. I went to get Dallas and he got a cut on his elbow at school. Then I had the kids at a friends house while I went to my appointment. When I got back the kids were playing a little. He got smacked in the head with a metal gate. Nice big egg to add to all the other issues. So then we finally make it home and we all go to sleep FINALLY! Of course, it doesn't end there though.
This morning I did like the Doctor told me. Do not eat or drink anything in the morning, come right in and go to the lab to get your bloodwork done. So no coffee, which is already a fail, and 2 kids in tote, i get to the lab about 8:30. When I get there she tells me there is no reason that I couldn't eat or drink anything, this was not that kind of test. So I was mad about that right away this morning, but I got over it. I knew I had to wait for the results of the test anyways and it was over and done with anyways. So why be mad? The Coltons therapist decides she finally has time and actually wants to show up. She went to his daycare while he was there and checked his ears. In which he failed MISERABLY once again. Due to fluid in the ears, he can not hear well again. His ears both left and right were pretty much flat lined when they should be pretty high.
I don't know where this will put us again, buts it's been more than a month since his last ear infection and he still had fluid. So I am hoping that I can call the Eyes, ears, nose, and throat, and make an appointment without having to go through his primary doctor. Normally you need a referal, but he already had one last time this happened. So I am crossing my fingers that they will let me just make an appointment with them
Right now I feel like everything is on the line and just hanging there. I am not sure where to start at this point, and everything rides on something else. I don't like this feeling at all. I feel like there is nothing that I can do for any of this. I guess I don't even know how to explain this all, but I know that there is so much going on and it's a lot to take on and process. i mean all this doesn't even include those day to day things. House cleaning, oil changes, dog grooming, dishes, homework.... the list goes one.
I know that this will all end at some point, but for right now, i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's time for me to hibernate for while. Even though that is not possible, i just want to shut it all off! IM OVER IT ALL
Let me start at the beginning. A long long time ago when I was still in school, I played volleyball awhile. Well in doing so, I hurt my knees pretty bad. They told me all the time that I had Tendinitis. So of course I went with it. They gave me nothing for it, and it really didnt bother me all the time so it wasn't a big deal. Around the same time, they would ALWAYS tell me the second the doctor walked into the room, that I had an enlarged Thyroid. They never told me what it ment or what to do about it till I was pregnant with the second child and I started to deal with a private practice doctor. She reffered me an hour away to see a specialist. However, they wouldn't do anything because I was pregnant. So they just monitored it a lot. After I had Colton, we moved here and I knew I couldnt go straight to a specialist, I would have to start the process all over. So I never did get that far.
Now days my knees are always hurting! Up until the last couple weeks. All of a sudden it seems like it spread all over. Its hard to really explain. I just hurt everywhere almost like my muscles are all bruised though I have done nothing to make them feel that way. Aside from that there are spots where they hurt the most. Like the back of my neck, lower back, knees, and feet. NOW everything is popping! I sound like a bowl of rice crispies when i do anything. This never happened. So I went to see the doctor yesterday and he said he is certain that it is Fibromyalgia. However there is a chance that it could be linked to my thyroid. So this morning I had to go in and let them take all my blood. On the 17th I can go back in and talk to the dr about the results. Obviously there is something wrong.
Yesterday morning his speech lady was suppose to come and check his ears. She was a no show. So of course I was mad from the start. Then, before my appointment in the evening, I had some errands to run while Dallas was in school. So Colton and I went about it. It started out ok for the first 5 minutes. Then I could smell there was a diaper change in my future. I was too far from home to go and change him, and he was to smelly to take into any place. SO there I was in the parking lot of the shopping center. All doors closed, while Colton and I are changing this nasty thing in the back. Finally rid the truck and Colton of that nasty thing. We get to where I need to be, and we are about to go inside when suddenly he falls. Not just a fall as one would suspect. I mean a fall like no other because thats how we roll! He seemed ok from the looks of him till he opened his mouth. A mouth full of blood. I had nothing. He cried and spit blood for like 10 minutes. Finally when he stopped I looked and he had bit his tongue. Not like nipped it and was hurt, because again thats just not how this family seems to go about things. No, this was like whole front tooth in the tongue. I took him back to the truck and cleaned him up the best that I could. No change of clothes just some wet wipes. So he stopped bleeding and crying, but still had blood all over his shirt. I had to take him anyways into dave's work to pick up some things.
So, now you think its all over and all is well. YOUR SO WRONG. I went to get Dallas and he got a cut on his elbow at school. Then I had the kids at a friends house while I went to my appointment. When I got back the kids were playing a little. He got smacked in the head with a metal gate. Nice big egg to add to all the other issues. So then we finally make it home and we all go to sleep FINALLY! Of course, it doesn't end there though.
This morning I did like the Doctor told me. Do not eat or drink anything in the morning, come right in and go to the lab to get your bloodwork done. So no coffee, which is already a fail, and 2 kids in tote, i get to the lab about 8:30. When I get there she tells me there is no reason that I couldn't eat or drink anything, this was not that kind of test. So I was mad about that right away this morning, but I got over it. I knew I had to wait for the results of the test anyways and it was over and done with anyways. So why be mad? The Coltons therapist decides she finally has time and actually wants to show up. She went to his daycare while he was there and checked his ears. In which he failed MISERABLY once again. Due to fluid in the ears, he can not hear well again. His ears both left and right were pretty much flat lined when they should be pretty high.
I don't know where this will put us again, buts it's been more than a month since his last ear infection and he still had fluid. So I am hoping that I can call the Eyes, ears, nose, and throat, and make an appointment without having to go through his primary doctor. Normally you need a referal, but he already had one last time this happened. So I am crossing my fingers that they will let me just make an appointment with them
Right now I feel like everything is on the line and just hanging there. I am not sure where to start at this point, and everything rides on something else. I don't like this feeling at all. I feel like there is nothing that I can do for any of this. I guess I don't even know how to explain this all, but I know that there is so much going on and it's a lot to take on and process. i mean all this doesn't even include those day to day things. House cleaning, oil changes, dog grooming, dishes, homework.... the list goes one.
I know that this will all end at some point, but for right now, i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's time for me to hibernate for while. Even though that is not possible, i just want to shut it all off! IM OVER IT ALL
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Starting the fall
So it's fall! Kansas has been pretty good about the weather and I've been terrible about posting. With the weather, it seems like some people's attitudes are starting to fall as well. It is reaching the end of the deployment and so I can see where nerves start to kick in. I am getting that way myself. 3/4 through this and you start to think about what it's all going to be like. I'll hit on those emotions and what I mean another day.
For today I figured I'd just let you up to speed. Davey is back out in the field and he loves it. He just called. So when he is happy, so am I.
Dallas has been doing good at school but I've not gotten Colton into daycare as much as I should. I noticed that last night. I dropped him off for a meeting and he didn't like it to much. He got over it lol. We will change that. I can always use a few more hours to myself.
I've been managing to get to my school work done little by little each night. I'm proud of myself. I've pulled straight a's. So that's a good thing. I know it's not always hard it's just hard to actually keep up. Tonight I had a 2 hour movie to watch. Which is fine, except it followed with 5 questions. Like really??!!! 2 hours for 5 questions. You would think that they could have summed it up a little better. I was so frustrated with that. In the end I got a 100% so I worked out. After I swore at the computer for about 20 minutes then I felt better. Nothing like looking like an idiot cusin out an object. Good thing no one was here to witness it.
A funny thing happened once. I had a large spider behind my tv and called my friend to come and help me
Kill it. I don't do spiders. So we didn't know how to kill it. I gave her a can of hairspray. Lmao. Well in the end it was stiff as a board and dead. So today she had a friend post on her Facebook page " I tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He is still alive, but his hair looks fantastic.". It was so funny. And a total relief that we are not the only nut balls around.
Aside from that the battalion work with Daves unit is picking up. Poster making and figuring out all the homecoming details. A ball is also in our future. It will take a lot of planning, but I'm sure will be so worth it after words. Aside from that the guys deserve it for all their hard work, and so do the women that got this far! Also planning the re deployment briefings and financial briefings. That's really exciting. I truly thought at this point, I'd be in the nut house!!! Glad im not. They would never let me leave for sure. Though there are many days I question my sanity and ability to make it any farther. But I'm still kicking.
I think that's the latest.
God took the strongest women and paired them up with soldiers.
Have a good night
For today I figured I'd just let you up to speed. Davey is back out in the field and he loves it. He just called. So when he is happy, so am I.
Dallas has been doing good at school but I've not gotten Colton into daycare as much as I should. I noticed that last night. I dropped him off for a meeting and he didn't like it to much. He got over it lol. We will change that. I can always use a few more hours to myself.
I've been managing to get to my school work done little by little each night. I'm proud of myself. I've pulled straight a's. So that's a good thing. I know it's not always hard it's just hard to actually keep up. Tonight I had a 2 hour movie to watch. Which is fine, except it followed with 5 questions. Like really??!!! 2 hours for 5 questions. You would think that they could have summed it up a little better. I was so frustrated with that. In the end I got a 100% so I worked out. After I swore at the computer for about 20 minutes then I felt better. Nothing like looking like an idiot cusin out an object. Good thing no one was here to witness it.
A funny thing happened once. I had a large spider behind my tv and called my friend to come and help me
Kill it. I don't do spiders. So we didn't know how to kill it. I gave her a can of hairspray. Lmao. Well in the end it was stiff as a board and dead. So today she had a friend post on her Facebook page " I tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He is still alive, but his hair looks fantastic.". It was so funny. And a total relief that we are not the only nut balls around.
Aside from that the battalion work with Daves unit is picking up. Poster making and figuring out all the homecoming details. A ball is also in our future. It will take a lot of planning, but I'm sure will be so worth it after words. Aside from that the guys deserve it for all their hard work, and so do the women that got this far! Also planning the re deployment briefings and financial briefings. That's really exciting. I truly thought at this point, I'd be in the nut house!!! Glad im not. They would never let me leave for sure. Though there are many days I question my sanity and ability to make it any farther. But I'm still kicking.
I think that's the latest.
God took the strongest women and paired them up with soldiers.
Have a good night
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Military VS Civilian Friends
OK, so this was one of those little repost and post again things on Facebook today. With that being said, I am sure that you have probably seen it before. I can't imagine there are many people left in the world without a facebook page. My blog is all about the military life and the ins and outs. There is one thing that I have always felt i can't describe enough, and thats the value of friendship here in this life. I know that I have tried before but I can't say I was really successful. So here is the post with my remarks inputted in them.
In all reality these girls are the best. This is not to say that I don't have civilian friends that would do anything for me, but sometimes thats hard. Here, we are all in the same situation, or have been at one time. We know deep down that without our friends, we don't have anything when we end up facing deployment. Friendship has become the most valuable thing to me aside from the communication I get from my husband, because that is surley a given! I was so scared to come here and worried about the girls that I would meet, or the fact that I wouldn't have friends. This has been the best group of friends and I cant say that I would trade this life and I am so damn glad I came. NOTHING will top this group there is just no way.
On a more personal note though, I was able to talk to dave on the webcam yesterday. I love seeing his face. I like the phone calls and the instant messaging too, but aside from seeing him in person thats the next best thing. I know that he would tell me if he was not ok, but just seeing his face is the most amazing feeling. Im so thankful of what i can have. You take for granted all the little things in life sometimes, but this has tought me to appreciate the smaller things, and don't sweat the small things. Dallas also had a treasure hunt at his school today, where the parents come in about a half hour before the end of the day and they get to take you around the room. They give you a paper and you and your child get to go around and show and tell you about all his stations in this class. He gets to show you what he does in all of them. When you find a station you get a sticker, and when you fill all the stations, the kids get to go to the class treasure chest and get a prize. We got one, he did so great and I was so proud I know that daddy would too. I would have loved to tape it for dave, but there was so many kids and parents all over the place, that would have been a giant task. Dave will be home before he is done with school so hopefully they will get to share of these things as well. Every Friday in his class, they have something called show and share. So they have to bring in something to the school that they can show and share with the kids. Each week there is a theme to what they need to bring. Tomorrow is bring something that reminds you of your family. Dallas mentioned that he wants to bring his daddy doll to class. I am sure that he is not the only lid either. But I am so happy thats what he choose. I told dave about it and he was so happy too. He said that if he had to bring something into work that was important to him, he would bring in the train that dallas sent to him.
I don't know if I ever told this on here, but when dave first left, Dallas sent him a little pocket sized Thomas the train that Dave could carry around with him, and Colton sent daddy his nook when he got him off of it. So he has something from each of them to take with him in his pocket whenever he has to go out. I know that they are special to him and I am glad that they all share that connection, because any connection is not easy to maintain while across an ocean.
I think that is all for the day, and I hope to write more soon. Have a great night... TIme for bed !!!! NIGHT
(now by doing something stupid, we don't totally mean breaking the law, but when you are a spouse of a soldier, you need to have some time to unwind. This is when things get crazy. I don't know about other groups of friends, but for us this means totally letting loose, talking like we were gitty little schoolgirls, and dancing like we wouldn't dance in public. aka ballerina or step bump step bump bump LOL. In other terms.... being a total and complete nerd, and we all love each other a little more for doing it that way :)
(Keep in mind that we all come from different parts of the US. The one thing that we don't get to see all that often is how family interacts. I can tell you with the interactions that we have had, they do become like your mom and dad real fast. I think this happens mostly because of the fact that you know they are supportive. I mean there child is here and they are here for a visit, so you can see they support you. I do know that when family comes to visit, i think they earn a new respect for us... Our group is a silly one! If you can survive us, you can survive any group of people.)
(it has been almost a year since we all went out and had a ladies night. I can tell you though that this is so true. Here in Fort Riley, Manhattan Kansas is about 15 minutes away. Manhattan is also a college town that happens to have a few blocks dedicated to nothing but bars for the entertainment of the college kids. Those days were so fun and I hope that we get a few more before people start PCSing after deployment. I know those were some of the first few times that I had that much fun in a long time. Wouldn't trade it for the world. The other fun part is that for some reason college kids make it easy to have a good time. You can start the night out thinking your in a normal spot, and then someone dressed in a vikings costume, totally waisted appears. They provide all the entertainment and you can sit in the same seat, and laugh and laugh and laugh.)
(this has yet to happen, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that its not going to. I think we are all better behaved then that, and aside from that without the guys here and having kids, It would be a little irresponsible to let it go that far. I DO know that if this was "back in the younger days" we would all be screaming "Hold my beer and watch this shit!" Then laughing about how dumb whatever we just did was. But this is not the case, and I know my husband would break my fingers if I attempted. But it's funny to talk about the scenarios LOL.)
(This is beyond true. You see when we get together its generally a big event. There tends to be anywhere from 3-8 families at your house at one time. When that happens you can imagine its hard to cook and accompany that many people. Someone always brings something, and no one complains about sharing stuff. So there is always something that you find and you have no idea where it came from. )
(As was mentioned to me earlier when a friend of mine was reading this to me, there is no way she is going on a road march... But she is always there to listen. This is true for all of us. It never has mattered what time of night it is, or what we are in the middle of, when we see a call from a friend we all drop it all. We are always there to listen no matter what we have going on or how many things we are trying to get done. It's like an unspoken rule. We are all just there. We may not all do road marches, but we all do coffee, hotchoclate, breakfast, dinner, or a glass of wine.)
(This is the truest statement. I can tell you a few quotes or funny stories about each and every one of the girls that I am close to here. No one around us would know what we were talking about, but we do. We share the most embarrassing stories with each other. By most embarrassing, I mean the MOST. I don't think there is anything that we don't know about each other. We do it because we know that we can trust eachother, and because most of those stories are so embarrassing that they always make us all laugh.)
(After about 2.5 years in the Military life, I really thought this was a joke. Just something they say to get a giggle. However I have learned that for some this is SO TRUE. When you think about it, what else would you do when your freezing in a tent. It's not like your camping. You cant just go into the car and get warm, or decide it's too cold to camp and go home. Your there and you can't leave. Body heat is the best heat so I can't say that I blame them. It is survival skills and I would probably do the same thing!)
(I don't think that anyone knocks on my door, but that is all ok with me. I answer the door for guests. None of them are guests anymore, they are WAY WAY WAY past that point!)
(the most amazing feeling is to know that if I have a bad day there is someone there who is going to bring me some chocolate, someone who will bring me a bottle of wine, someone who will make me dinner, someone to help with the kids, and someone to make you laugh. It's fail proof and it makes me feel that much more fortunate each and every time.)
(this is the same as the items. We all had a rummage sale awhile ago, and within minutes, no one cared about the money, we were having a blast. Even if we were buying each others things LMAO, We don't worry about the small details.)
(We all just cross our fingers that this one never has to happen to prove it! It is a fact however, that I am close enough to these girls, to want to do anything to take any pain away. there are some of us that don't get to talk to our husbands as much as the others. There are so many times that we have had something bad happen or just a crappy stressful day with kids. With all of that there is not one of us that doesn't try and step in and make the day a little brighter or have encouraging words. We all know that our husbands would do it if they were here instead. Bascially we are all helping the men out at the same time. I really think this takes a little more stress off them when they are gone to know that there is always someone there for you no matter what.)
In all reality these girls are the best. This is not to say that I don't have civilian friends that would do anything for me, but sometimes thats hard. Here, we are all in the same situation, or have been at one time. We know deep down that without our friends, we don't have anything when we end up facing deployment. Friendship has become the most valuable thing to me aside from the communication I get from my husband, because that is surley a given! I was so scared to come here and worried about the girls that I would meet, or the fact that I wouldn't have friends. This has been the best group of friends and I cant say that I would trade this life and I am so damn glad I came. NOTHING will top this group there is just no way.
On a more personal note though, I was able to talk to dave on the webcam yesterday. I love seeing his face. I like the phone calls and the instant messaging too, but aside from seeing him in person thats the next best thing. I know that he would tell me if he was not ok, but just seeing his face is the most amazing feeling. Im so thankful of what i can have. You take for granted all the little things in life sometimes, but this has tought me to appreciate the smaller things, and don't sweat the small things. Dallas also had a treasure hunt at his school today, where the parents come in about a half hour before the end of the day and they get to take you around the room. They give you a paper and you and your child get to go around and show and tell you about all his stations in this class. He gets to show you what he does in all of them. When you find a station you get a sticker, and when you fill all the stations, the kids get to go to the class treasure chest and get a prize. We got one, he did so great and I was so proud I know that daddy would too. I would have loved to tape it for dave, but there was so many kids and parents all over the place, that would have been a giant task. Dave will be home before he is done with school so hopefully they will get to share of these things as well. Every Friday in his class, they have something called show and share. So they have to bring in something to the school that they can show and share with the kids. Each week there is a theme to what they need to bring. Tomorrow is bring something that reminds you of your family. Dallas mentioned that he wants to bring his daddy doll to class. I am sure that he is not the only lid either. But I am so happy thats what he choose. I told dave about it and he was so happy too. He said that if he had to bring something into work that was important to him, he would bring in the train that dallas sent to him.
I don't know if I ever told this on here, but when dave first left, Dallas sent him a little pocket sized Thomas the train that Dave could carry around with him, and Colton sent daddy his nook when he got him off of it. So he has something from each of them to take with him in his pocket whenever he has to go out. I know that they are special to him and I am glad that they all share that connection, because any connection is not easy to maintain while across an ocean.
I think that is all for the day, and I hope to write more soon. Have a great night... TIme for bed !!!! NIGHT
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